A shitty Artist with a shitty head, writing shitty poems

Wondering

Sometimes I wonder,
Wonder if this is all
Real.
It's hard to tell these days,
When all your mind does
Is play tricks on you.
Sometimes my mind
calls in sick.
Leaving a substitute who
Has no idea what to do.
Leaving me to wander about
In the dark snowy forest that
Is my mind.
No map.
Just cold tall trees,
That tower over me
Covered in white.
Sometimes I swear they are
Never ending.
Silent and empty.
I never seem to get
Warm enough. I'm
Always so cold.
The snow, always knee deep.
Laid neatly on the ground.
Sometimes it's so blinding and cold ,
It's almost impossible to ingnore.
The sky a swirling mix of
Grey and black.
It's always moving, ever so slightly.
Sometimes it's hard to tell if it's even
Moving at all.
The wind rapidly blowing massive
Snow flakes in all directions.
Sometimes the snow flakes take
Brakes.
But the wind never stops.
I can never see very far in front of me,
And the foot prints behind me always
Disappear.
Being snowed in.
Leaving me to not remember where
I have already been.
I think I'm just walking in circles.
But I'm not quite sure,
I can never remember.
Sometimes I just want to bary myself
Beneath the snow.
And never leave and become apart of
This dark snowy forest
Of my mind.
But I always somehow come a cross
This river that is untouched by this
Cold and darkness.
It's warm ,bright and so beautiful.
But sometimes it gets close, and
Starts to become frozen around the edges.
Then I run
Run away afraid that it's
me that's ruining it.
Then I continue wondering.
Not sure of were I'm going.
Just cold.
I never seem to be dressed right.
Always dressed for warm weather.
As if by dressing like that will convince me
That I'm warm and not freezing.
It never works.
But I continue in hopes maybe I'll find
The river again to warm me a bit.
But it's quite tiring.
I never seem to get a break.
I'm always walking through the snow.
Practically blind.
Sometimes I wonder,
Wonder if this is all
Fake.
It's hard to tell these days,
When all your mind does
Is play tricks on you.