Disrespectful Dominance.

Disrespectful Dominance Part 4

No amount of effort put into trying to overpower him would make a difference. I tried to fight him off of me. I told him that I didn't want him to be so rough while doing it. I even tried compromising with him, telling him that I would let him, but that he would have to be more gentle. I woke up with dark bruises from where he had once again dug his fingernails into my skin. I had a few scratches and some dry blood on my arms. I'm guessing that happened when I tried to get out of his grip. I could feel my eyes stinging with tears as I rested my head in my hands and started sobbing. I knew he was in the next room, his own room. I tried crying as softly and quietly as I could, but I knew he would sooner or later find out that I was crying. He always knew when I was weaker than I usually am. He only knows this because he's the one who makes me that way.

"I had to be rough the first time. It makes it easier to take afterwards."

He walked through the doorway and stood there for a while as he talked so casually, as if nothing was the matter with the way he treated me. I continued crying, not caring whether he saw me or not. He was even abusive during intercourse. I didn't appreciate him calling me those names and I asked him to stop a few times, knowing that it was one of his kinks and that I would never be able to make him stop.

At least my torn shirt and ripped jean shorts are covering mostly everything up. He told me I wasn't undressing fast enough and that he was anxious. His intentions were obvious when I looked into those eyes. That was the look I saw in him from the moment we met. Those eyes...I hated them! He wanted to have me this entire time and I had convinced myself that he would never do anything I didn't want him to do if I told him no. I should have known. Why was I too stupid to figure out that he wanted to take control of me like he did last night? I didn't think it was my fault anymore. This wasn't a matter of whether I did something wrong or not. I could choose to go to a therapist or talk to someone in order to get through this. I could also choose not to suffer anymore and get out of this hellhole. Or...I could choose to stop him from doing anything to me once and for all.