Reasons I Try

Will

I never thought I'd write this but for once I actually feel like things are going to be okay? I'll admit I'm still kind of broken into a million pieces but it's okay. I know it'll get better. This positive mindset I have may only last for a few more minutes but I'm going to enjoy it. 
I love someone and it feels great even if I probably won't be in a relationship with them anytime soon. (Idk I can't think about everything). 
I also love someone who is kind of really mad at me but I'm going to try to get their forgiveness. 
Summer is coming around the corner and I won't be able to hang out with the people I was planning on spending my summer with but that's okay. Everything is going to be okay and one day I'll be better. 
If you know me in real life then you hear me constantly say, "I want to die" or something on similar terms. I don't. I don't want to grow old but I do want to live for some time. I want to see the reasons that I try to one day not be reasons. I want them to be happy reminders. 
One day I'm going to be happy with myself and hey, I might even love myself one of these days. For some reason I'm capable of loving others so why can't I love myself eventually? 

Being me means I am nowhere near perfect, but no one else is. If I was perfect then I wouldn't love myself. Everyone is different, I bet you hear that a lot but it's true. Our differences and imperfections that make us, us. Your imperfections can be what someone loves dearly about you. I implore you to stop looking at yourself and pointing out the things you hate. What are the things you love about yourself? It doesn't have to be a physical feature, do you love your friends? What about your pets? 

Lately, I've been in a horrid state. I forgot what I actually appreciated about life. I lost some people in different ways but that doesn't mean I'll stop loving them as a friend or something else. When I really think about it, I only love myself because of the people I love. I know one day this will change but right now I'm... happy with the people I have close to me. I know some of them will never think the way I do and want to live or love their self. I wish they would stay on this planet with me but I understand. 

For any of my friends out there reading this. Don't worry about me. I'm not going to end my life ever. I want to go naturally and I will see this world for what it really has to offer. I love you all no matter what happens. I know I can be a jerk sometimes and I can get really rude. It's me trying to protect myself because I don't want to open up to people but that's over now. Everything gets better if we let it. 

Don't leave your will.