Dear Evan Hansen/Be More Chill X Reader Oneshots | REQUESTS CLOSED

No One Deserves To Disappear (Connor Murphy X Reader)

Connor Murphy X Reader

Angst, Sad, Fluff

TRIGGER WARNING: Depression, Wall-Punching, Blood, Abuse Mentioned (all of these relate to Connor, not the reader) if any of these will bother you, please either proceed with extreme caution, or refrain from reading further

CUTENESS WARNING: Cute animals being cute are mentioned. If that will make you overly excited, this might not be right for you

Your POV

"Well if you truly believe that, then I'll just leave, because I don't need someone toxic in my life." I said. I was angry, he was angry, but in the moment, neither of us regretted anything. Once I had walked out of the room, I heard him yell and punch something. He was the only one at his house, so I wasn't worried about it being Zoe. That and I knew about his wall-punching tendencies.

He kept screaming, and I kept walking. once I shut the front door and was safely away from him, I couldn't hear his screams anymore. I continued home. Once I reached my room, I collapsed on my bed in tears. "What have I done...." I thought. The thought repeated in my head over and over until I finally fell asleep, my head resting in a small puddle of tears on my pillow.

Connor's POV

"I told you, I don't need your help!"
"I'm not trying to say that you do, I'm just saying you need to give me a chance! You are my best friend and I don't want to see you hurt!"
"Well maybe that's none of your business!"
"Of course it's my business, I convinced your parents to not send you to a therapist so I could help you!"
"WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TRIED! I NEVER WANTED TO BE YOUR FRIEND! I NEVER WANTED TO BE AROUND YOU!" 

We were fighting. This is a daily occurrence, but it never gets this bad. I don't have control over what I'm saying. I'm just yelling.. "Well if you truly believe that, then I'll just leave, because I don't need someone toxic in my life." Did she just say that...? She turned away from me and walked out. I couldn't deal with my frustrations...

I screamed at the top of my lungs, then with all my strength I punched the wall. I looked at my knuckles.. Blood.. I kept screaming and punching. There was nothing else I could do to release all this rage. 

I heard the front door shut. She was gone. "Look what you did this time. Even your only friend has left you now. What's left now? Your parents don't love you, your sister shuns you, and your last glimmer of hope has been driven away. You are a pathetic excuse for a human." I thought to myself. I tried to fight off the thoughts, but they stayed. 

I looked at the clock, remembering when my family would be home. I had half an hour to clean up my hands. Now where did i leave those bandages from last time?

~Timeskip~

(so tempting to put Timesquip instead)

Your POV

I was woken up to a warm wet tongue on my face. It was my silly black labrador retriever Lily. (Author~Chan: yes, this is my actual dog, minus her being sweet... my dog is still a bitey puppy. =3) 

I scratched her belly and she flopped onto her back submissively. I wiped the dog slobber off my face and immediately it all came rushing back to me. My eyes were still blurry from sleep, and I fumbled my hands around the nightstand looking for my phone. I found it. 

I clicked on the icon for Messages and selected the contact 'Emo Bestie 😝'. I typed as fast as my fingers would go: 'Morning Con... I'm sorry about yesterday... Can I come over? We can make up.'. no response. 

'Connor?'
'Please answer me, I'm worried'
'Omg are you alive?'
'please be alive'
'I love you, don't die'

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did I just tell Connor Murphy over text that I love him after I said I wanted to shut him out of my life? Well, it wasn't wrong. He was my crush ever since I saw him in class being all emo and sad. I just never thought I'd have to confess to him over text because I wasn't sure if he'd died overnight. Well it was too late to turn back now, I had already hit send. 

'Connor I'm coming over.'

That was the last thing I sent before pushing Lily off of my legs and running as fast as I could towards Connor's place. The Murphys were home today, but I didn't have time to worry about what they'd think. My friend could be dead right now. My legs were burning, but I didn't care. I reached the house. I knocked on the door, to be greeted by Cynthia. 

"Y/N? I didn't expect you to come over so early. What's the occasion?" She asked, smiling. I wish I could tell the truth. but no, for Connor's sake, I couldn't. 

"Oh, hi Mrs. Murphy. It's nothing. I'm here to see Connor." I said, but from the way she looked at me, she probably thought I was tall (inside joke) or something. I was shaky and out of breath, my eyes were bloodshot, red and puffy from crying, my hair was a mess, and my face was red and caked with dry tears, so I could imagine how she might think that. Nevertheless, she nodded, and let me inside. 

Zoe and Mr. Murphy were sitting at the table eating breakfast, but I didn't even give them a glance. Instead, I made a beeline for Connor's room. I paused, anxiety and fear welling up inside of me. Every worst case scenario playing out in my head at once. I knocked on the door, a pattern of knocks known only to Connor and I. 

I heard a sniffle and a raspy "Go away...."; My heart calmed down slightly. He was alive, and that's what mattered. I let myself in, shutting the door behind me. "What do you want...?" he asked, his voice cracking. 

"I'm sorry... I just got mad.. It wasn't your fault. I took it too far. I forgot how you get when you're upset. I needed to be there for you, and I said you were a toxic friend. In reality, you're one of my only friends, and quite honestly the best one I have. I understand you probably don't even want to be around me, but that's all your choice starting now. I just want to tell you that I'm sorry, and anyone would be lucky to have someone like you as a friend." 

He stood up from where he sat curled up on his bed, his beautiful brown and blue eyes welling up with tears and grabbed me into a hug. He hugged me, and I hugged back tighter. "Was what you said true...?" He asked, still sniffling.
"About what?" I asked softly, so as not to make him overly emotional again.
"Do you actually love me?" Oh. so that's what he meant.
"Yes. Yes I do. I have loved you since the first day I saw you, and everyday after that." I said, as he slightly loosened his grip on me.
"Why? why did you care so much as to come back here after how I treated you?" He said.
My heart melted. My eyes welled up with tears, as I said "No one deserves to disappear."

Word Count: 1,189

(Author~Chan: Man, this took like an hour to write. Also, sorry if Connor or Cynthia are OOC, the only thing I've really seen of DEH is Sincerely Me and Waving Through A Window, so I'm doing my best from what I've seen in other people's X Reader fanfics. Please tell me how I did and alert me to any typos and phrasing/capitalization/punctuation errors. I did my best to avoid those, but since I wrote this at 3:30 AM, I'm a little tired. Now, it's off to bed for me, so remember to have fun and enjoy your time reading my fanfics!)