Obsession // Kim Namjoon

sixty one

THERAPIST: session 1. april 23rd 2018. the time is 10 am. i am with lee jeongyeon, 22 years old, joined the P.P. fourteen days ago after she murdered kim jin lee, 23 years old.

first of all, jeongyeon, i am Mr. Jay, your therapist for the next few weeks, months, however long you may need us...

jeongyeon. how are you today?

JEONGYEON: i'm not really sure.

THERAPIST: could you elaborate on that?

JEONGYEON: (mumbling, looking down at her lap) i've been better, i would say.

THERAPIST: i would like to ask you a few questions about your childhood and family-

JEONGYEON: (looking slightly annoyed/uncomfortable) ok.

THERAPIST: where did you grow up?

JEONGYEON: i was born in seoul.

THERAPIST: can you describe your family to me...who did you live with when you were a child?

JEONGYEON: (making strong eye contact) i lived with my parents.

THERAPIST: any siblings?

JEONGYEON: (pauses) no. no siblings. i am an only child.

THERAPIST: i see. how is your relationship with your parents?

JEONGYEON: my parents were rich. they gave me everything i wanted.

THERAPIST: you describe your parents in the past tense. are they still alive?

JEONGYEON: yes.

THERAPIST: (after a few moments of silence) jeongyeon. i know this is hard for you.

JEONGYEON: (tearful) what makes you think you have any idea how i feel? what makes you think you know what i've done?

THERAPIST: my job is to try to help you. in
the beginning it will be hard. but both of us need to work together.

JEONGYEON: (nods) ok. i've never told anyone anything. that's just how i am.

THERAPIST: of course. take your time.

JEONGYEON: (taking a deep breath) i had a sister, she passed away when she was nineteen. she was the perfect daughter. my parents loved her. she got good grades in school. she had perfect hair, perfect skin. all the boys loved her. my parents loved her.

THERAPIST: i see. did your parents treat you differently to your sister?

JEONGYEON: yes. they didn't even try to hide it. that's what made it even worse, they didn't care. everyone knew, the neighbours knew, that i was the crazy girl, the mad girl. and my sister was the beautiful one. my life was hell.

THERAPIST: why did the neighbours think of you like that?

JEONGYEON: my mum had no filter. she told the neighbours everything. my dad worked in a big company and he was always away. i guess my mum got bored. she always went to the neighbour's houses. i went with her once when i was fourteen. she would talk about me like i wasn't even there.

THERAPIST: what would she say about you, your mum?

JEONGYEON: i had a rebellious stage when i was fifteen. i got into drugs and alcohol. i slept with people way older than me. i did stupid things. and after that phase, everything changed.

THERAPIST: how did it change?

JEONGYEON: i didn't care about anything anymore. i moved out. i lost contact with everyone. i dropped out of university. after a year, my sister tracked me down. she found where i lived and she moved in with me. i didn't know why, until a few days ago. it was because she cared about me.

she died in that house, the house i still live in now. her voice used to haunt me after her death. after i...i killed jin lee, her voice came back, always calling for me, always there for me.

THERAPIST: you miss her don't you?

JEONGYEON: (crying) yes. i wish she was still here. and i wish i knew why she wanted to help me at that time. i wish...i wish i could go back to that night...i wish she was still alive.