The Luna's Last Choice

4. The definition of First Love

First Love.

The realization took my breath away. I hadn't realized the full impact of the words until I first uttered them seven months ago.

I was in love. In love with a man I can never have. My First Love. My first heartbreak.

Can I even call it that? Is it love if it's one-sided? Or do you call it a crush and shove it away as an embarrassing rejection?

Seven months.......I kept on questioning myself for seven months but I never found an answer. My dad didn't answer me that night. He had silently held me in his protective embrace all night as I cried my pain away. He never questioned me. He never told anyone about that night.

Even if I can't define this feeling, even if it has no name to it there is one thing I know for sure.....It makes you pathetic.

It's pathetic to pine for a man who wouldn't care if you die tomorrow. It's pathetic to wait with batted breath for him to notice you and it's even more pathetic when his gaze brushes past you carelessly because you are just another person in the crowd for him.

I wonder how I didn't notice this before. Is this how my mother saw me all these years? Is this how everyone saw me?

"Is Luc coming to pick you up?" Dad's voice broke through my thoughts.

"Huh?" I looked at dad who was driving us to Bluewood. Mom was sitting next to him so I stretched myself comfortably in the back.

"You always visit the forest first sweetheart" Dad explained.

I took a sharp breath and looked away quickly "No, I'll go to the mansion with you" I replied.

I saw my mom's posture relax at my declaration. Well at least someone's happy. A year, that's how long it took for mom to allow me to visit Bluewood again. The last time I visited was on Luc's birthday and Luc's turning seventeen next month. No, I'm not complaining. I don't want to be here either which is ironic really because a year ago I would give up anything to be here. It's funny how much control that one man has over my life.

I could see aunt Eva walking fast towards the mansion gate to greet us, a huge smile plastered on her beautiful face. That reminds me why we are on this vacation......to get rid of the awkwardness that has clouded my relationship with the Woods. Well that's the hidden meaning anyways, aunt Eva just insisted that she misses me very much and wanted us to spend some time at the pack. My mom decided that she was right so here we are.

I have made the perfect plan though. I'll avoid Dan at all cost. I'll not let him see my miserable side. I'll protect the little dignity that's left in me. It wouldn't be that hard right? I did manage to avoid him all these months. I only allowed myself to cheat when he wasn't looking. I know I'm guilty of going in his office cabin when he's not working there but that's all I did I swear. In my defense, his scent calms me down. It helps me avoid embarrassing situations. It was either this or walking in his apartment and announcing that he has my essence and hence should forget about his mate.

And yes, I know where his apartment in the city is. I know a lot of things about him that I now realized I shouldn't have known. No, I'm not a stalker I'm just very attentive around him.

"I missed you soooo much" Aunt Eva declared and wrapped her arms around me as soon as I got out of the car.

I forced a smile "I missed you too" I said, it wasn't exactly a lie "I just had too much to do you know. Preparing for university isn't my favorite thing to do"

Aunt Eva laughed at that "I know" she winked at my parents and started pulling me towards the house "Luc's is ruining everyone's mood with his constant complaints. He doesn't want to go to college. Liam threatened him with a" She cleared her throat sarcastically "'I'm going to kick you out of my pack if you don't go to college. I don't want a useless burden in my pack' he said" She imitated her husband's voice perfectly making me giggle.