A Room With A View

Chapter Fifty-Four - Elena

November 24, Friday

"Talk to me," Elena said. She was sitting cross-legged on the couch, facing Joshua.

The apartment was deathly quiet. The twins were with Madeline, Sybil had left to get "proper" coffee, and Gordon had taken Neil on a walk.

There was no one in the apartment but the two of them, and the unspoken ghost.

Joshua clucked his tongue against his teeth. "About what?"

"Gee, I don't know Joshua, maybe the fact that your mother has died? And like it or not we need to deal with that?"

Joshua cut Elena look out of the corner of his eyes.

Elena didn't understand why he was being so cagey. Yes, he and his mother had a tumultuous history, but the fact of the matter was that Agatha was dead, and they needed to deal with that.

"Joshua, come on. We can't just bury our heads in the sand on this. There is paperwork to sign, and we have to decide on a burial versus a cremation--"

"Burn her," Joshua said darkly.

Elena paused, collecting herself. "Okay, well that's a bit harsh, don't you think?"

Joshua said nothing. He simply sat with his arms folded across his chest, looking for all the world like a sullen little child. Elena shuddered. This is what her twins would look like when they were teenagers.

"Joshua," Elena began, taking a different tack, "why don't I deal with this. Just tell me in the barest sense what you want, and I will arrange everything and get the paperwork for you to sign. You won't ever have to think about her again."

Joshua exhaled. It was a long, slow sound, and Elena wondered how long he had been holding it in.

She placed a hand on his arm. "It's okay to be sad," Elena said quietly. "Neil isn't around. You don't have to protect him anymore. You've just lost your mother, it's okay to feel hurt."

Or at least feel something, Elena thought. She didn't like this cold statue her husband had turned into.

A muscle twitched in Joshua's jaw. His eyes reddened around the iris. But he stayed firmly tight-lipped, his arms clenching more tightly around his chest with every breath he took.

"Okay," Elena said. She rubbed the space of skin between his elbow and the base of his sleeve.

Joshua remained silent as Elena stood and pulled on her coat. She'd have to do this herself. There was a chance Gordon might help her, but she didn't want to ask him. If he offered, she would accept, but otherwise Elena would sort through all of this...this horse shit herself.

Elena slammed a fist into her thigh. She punched her leg repeatedly, biting her lip to keep from screaming out. She was angry, both with Joshua and with Agatha. Neither of them were handling this well, and Elena just wished she had pushed for more of a reconciliation while Agatha was alive. If not a reconciliation, then at least...at least something other than this.

With a heavy sigh, Elena unclenched her fists. She would get nowhere mulling over the should-have's, she could only focus on what to do next. First she would need to call up the mortuary Tanya had recommended (her mother had passed away a few years back), and have them deal with Agatha. It sounded like it would need to be a cremation, although Elena would like Neil to weigh in on the issue as well, if he was able. If anything, the mortuary could at least hold her body while they made the final decisions. The hospital had already called twice asking if they could remove Mrs. Newman from the premises. Elena had screened their calls.

Next Elena would need to call their accountant. She didn't know how much money Agatha had left, or even if it had been willed to Joshua, but Agatha did have that large penthouse that needed to be dealt with.

Elena chewed on her thumbnail in the elevator. If Joshua was right, then the apartment would go to him as well. Supposedly Neil wasn't to be given a cent from anything Agatha owned or had acquired. That might make conversations...awkward.

She would have to take Gordon out for coffee or something where they could talk about all of this without Joshua and Neil listening in.

And the twins...

Elena felt a small splinter worm its way into her heart. She'd kept the twins from Agatha. Maybe for the right reasons, but still. Elena couldn't ignore her maternal instincts. She couldn't bear the thought of never being able to see her grandchildren. It would kill her. And yet, they kept the boys away from Agatha because they felt she was toxic. Which she was.

"Ugh!" Elena shouted, just before the elevator doors opened onto the lobby. There were so many emotions vying for her attention, Elena didn't know which one to focus on first. Should she hate Agatha? Should she pity her? Should she feel guilt? Happiness? Freedom? What was the proper feeling to think about?

Elena felt tears pricking her eyes. It didn't help that she was pregnant and already mind-muddled. Her hormones were firing like crazy and now she had to handle the death of her husband's estranged mother and it was all just too much. It was just too much.

Elena leaned against the cool marble wall of the lobby and took in a deep breath. She wouldn't solve anything if she couldn't calm herself down.

A flash of red caught her eye. Elena looked up to see Phineas crossing the lobby, his clothes immaculate and his ginger hair perfectly coiffed.

He looked over at her, and Elena raised her hand and gave him a small wave. She had stopped by his apartment yesterday, but he'd either ignored her, or he hadn't been home. She hoped the latter.

Phineas slowed, but didn't stop. He didn't smile either. A range of emotions played across his face. Elena was only able to recognize them because she'd made a study out of the boys; trying to gauge their feelings by the simplest twitch of their eyebrows or the purse of their lips. It was the best way to tell when a tantrum was coming on.

But Phineas didn't have any of the telltale tantrum signs. Instead, his face cleared to nothing. He broke eye contact, bowed his head, and quickened his pace until he was practically running for the door.

Elena watched him leave, helpless to stop him. She didn't know what to say. She didn't even know what she would want someone to say to her. Both Elena's parents were still alive and well, and she had a very good relationship with each one.

Besides, as much as she wanted it to be, Phineas was not her problem. She had to focus on her husband and her sons, they were her only priority. Even Neil, whom she liked very much, could take care of himself. If Elena tried to comfort all of them, she would snap.

Elena rubbed her stomach, hoping that her little Lima bean couldn't feel Elena's stress.

"You are my priority," Elena whispered aloud. "You, Isaac, Jeremiah (who will rub boogers in your hair and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry), and Joshua. And I can't wait to meet you. Because I love you so, so much."

And without meaning to, Elena burst into tears.