Impregnable {A Walking Dead Fanfiction}

Seven

(content warning: this chapter includes discussion of suicide) 

    Miles of driving up the wrong side of the highway, then miles of curvy backroads. Shane shook me away when we finally came to the entrance to the campground. We drove past the raised tollbooth and started up the mountain. The camp was clean but deserted, I'd half expected to find some worker out here who had no idea what was going on. We followed the group to our campsite and parked. I hopped out and headed for the Winnebago, poking my head through the door to see Mable, Lori, and Carl still asleep in the back. I returned to Shane and began to unload everything. We set up the few tents we had while a few others began to build a fire. Andrea and Amy set off down the trail to get water. After sweating in the Georgia heat, we almost had something that resembled a home. Mabel had woken up some time ago and was playing in the dirt outside of the Winnebago while we caught our breath and introduced ourselves. I was finally able to put faces with the names Dale had read to me earlier. Ed was Carol's husband, he was also a class-A asshole. Theo, Jacqui, and Jim all came off as nice people, Andrea and Amy were sisters who were eager to help. Matt was from New Zealand and here on a business trip, he got trapped on his way to the airport. Merle and Daryl were brothers who kept to themselves. As we were getting to know each other, I couldn't help but look up every so often to see Cameron pacing back and forth near the edge of the woods. He looked stressed. I wanted to help, but he always wanted to be alone when he was like this. Carol had just called everyone for lunch when we heard a gunshot close by. Everyone scrambled, some ran for cover and some ran toward the sound. Lori grabbed Mable and Carl and ran for the Winnebago, I considered following them but turned to the group that had gathered at the edge of the woods. "Hollie, I don't think you should..." Shane said, approaching me and grabbing my shoulders. I suddenly realized that everyone was staring at me. I pushed past him and walked to the woods. 

    "OH MY GOD!" I shrieked, "CAMERON!" He was slumped against a tree, blood leaking from his forehead with a small revolver in his lap. "No...no, no, no, no, no." I stammered, falling backward. My emotions were uncontrollable. "WHY WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS!" I wailed, kicking his dead body. "YOU COULD'VE MADE IT THROUGH THIS..." I turned and sobbed into the dead leaves. I loved him. I loved him so much. He was my everything. "WHY THE F**K WOULD YOU DO THIS?"  I let out another long wail, filling my mouth with dirt and leaves. Someone crouched over me and began rubbing my back. "I'm so sorry, honey." A distant woman's voice said. I lay there for a moment, desperately trying to compose myself. I opened my eyes to see people standing around me, staring as my world collapsed. "Could I please have a minute alone with him?" I said, turning to Jacqui. She looked back at the others for a moment before turning to me and nodding. They slowly turned and walked back towards camp. I turned to Cameron's corpse. "You're a coward for doing this...I can't do this without you, asshole." I said, burying my face in his lap and sobbing. My face hit cold metal. He still has the gun. I glanced back towards camp, watching them walk away. There was no thinking, no rationalizing. I sat up and grabbed the gun, squeezing until my knuckles turned white. I laughed, laying back down on his lap. "You finally got what you wanted." With clammy, shaky hands, I wrapped my lips around the barrel, took a final deep breath, and pulled the trigger. 

    It clicked, and my eyes shot open. I just tried to kill myself. I threw the gun, it landed a few feet away. I just tried to kill myself. I'd been fine yesterday morning, and now Cameron's dead and I was following behind him. Everything had gone to shit. Maybe Cameron had the right idea. I glanced over at the gun, it had landed too close. I reached out and picked it back up, popping the chamber. One round. I spun the chamber and snapped it closed. "Hollie?" Shane's voice called out. He was standing only a few feet away, how much had he seen? "Please don't." He said, approaching me. I sat there, frozen in shock. He took the gun from me and pulled me to my feet. I fell into his arms and wailed, the sound hurting my ears. "Hollie, I'm so sorry." He said, holding me tight. He picked me up and carried me back towards camp, away from the nightmare. My body shook in his arms and I felt myself slipping out of consciousness. He opened the back of the Jeep and sat me down, joining me on the other side. I felt empty and numb, my head spinning violently. Shane sat there quietly stroking my hair as I sobbed myself to sleep. 

    The sky was dark when I finally woke up. Shane's face was pressed against the window and he was snoring softly. His eyes opened when I turned to face him. "I'm glad you're awake." He said sleepily. I was suddenly flooded with the realization of everything that'd happened. I did my best to keep my composure. I'd just slept all day and I was still exhausted, I needed to save my energy. "Are you hungry?" He asked, "No, you must be, through." I replied, sitting up and pulling the door lever. "Do you know if we have a shovel?" I asked as we walked over to the campfire. "I'm sure we have something, we'll figure it out in the morning." It was late enough that most everyone had gone to bed, but there were a few still awake. I did my best to not make eye contact, praying no one would ask me any questions. Shane brought me a bowl of soup and sat with me as we ate. 

    I convinced Shane to help me find a shovel, there was no waiting until morning. The only way I could survive was to pretend like it had never happened, and it never hurt. I started digging, refusing to let Shane help at first, but relenting after it felt like my body was going to give out. We took turns digging until the first sign of sunlight. It was a pitiful, shallow grave, but it was good enough. Some of the others had taken a sheet and wrapped Cameron's body, bringing it over to the grave. It was still early enough that most people were asleep, but the few that were awake gathered. "We're ready when you are," Shane said softly. 

    I bent down and grasped him by the ankles, beginning to pull him towards the grave. Shane and Daryl began to help, but I pushed them away. "I have it, I have it..." I repeated, dragging him until my feet hit the drop-off. I kept pulling until his head dropped in, making a soft thud sound. I stepped out of the grave and grabbed the shovel from Shane, beginning to shovel dirt back into the grave. "Do you want to...uh...say anything while we're here? To remember him." Glenn said awkwardly. "No," I replied flatly, continuing to shovel. 

    I stayed there and shoveled load after load of dirt. My muscles ached, and the sun rose and burned my skin. After what seemed like ages, I finally filled the hole. Shane stayed by my side the whole time, sitting on a tree stump. He'd offer to help and tell me I needed to break, I'd ignore him and keep shoveling. After a while, he gave up trying, but never left my side. I finally reached the last shovelful from the pile and sprinkled overtop of the nearly-flat rectangle. I stood there and admired my work.  I heard Shane rise and walk over to me, wrapping his arms around me, I rested my head on his chest. "I would say that he's in a better place, but I can tell that you're not one for sappy bullshit. I guess anywhere would be better than here." He said. "I could think of worse places," I said, closing my eyes and taking in the moment.