No One Accepts Me

Chapter 6

It's October 27; the day before my birthday. Brad started hanging out with Terence; I started hanging out with Valerie. She's really cool and nice to talk to. 

Brad and I are on top of a hill, looking at the sunset; leaning on his car's windshield.

This is his birthday present for me. But since I will be gone all day with my parents tomorrow, he made me hang out with him all day today.

"The sunset is beautiful." I comment. Brad puts his hand on my shoulder and I slide closer to him put my head on his chest.

"Just like you." He says and I giggle. The sun is down and the place becomes dark. 

"I love you." I say to him.

"I love you more." He kisses me and  then rolls me on top of him. He reaches into my shirt and tries to un-clasp my bra.

I roll back with my back leaning on the windshield. I look at the stars. There is silence between us except for the crickets singing.

"I don't want this," I say breaking the silence. He gives out an irritated sigh. "I'm sorry but I don't want this yet."

"I can't take this anymore." He replies.

Now I'm in shock. What does he mean by that? "Can't take what?"

"Us."

WHAT?!

I jump down and Brad follows as I enter the car and so does he.

"Drive me home." I commands. He starts the engine.

"Look, Carrie--"

"Just drive!" I snap at him.

He begins driving. 

Olivia was right! I never should have trusted him. Never! Maybe he's into Valerie? I've got a lot of suspicion on her. Well, why not? I mean, she's funny, nice, charismatic and talk about her body! Very built and slim! She's like a jock! Makes perfect sense! PERFECT!

When I was almost home, he sighs and says, "I'm in love with Valerie."

I KNEW IT! I FUCKING KNEW IT!

"Stop the car." I command him. Even though I'm bubbling with anger, I can make my voice calm. It's like a gift.

Brad stops the car and I'm just meters away from home. 

"We're done." I snap at him, then slam the door. I just want to walk the rest of my way home. I can't go any near him. It's my birthday tomorrow and he plans on doing this to me?! How could he? I mean, I love him. I mother fucking loved him! I treated him nice, I was good to him, I was faithful and he comes around being like, "I don't want you anymore." And throws me out. Well, basically I threw myself out. 

The sound of his car becomes faint as he drives back. Bastard. A mother fucking bastard. Olivia was right. She was so fucking right! 

Ugh! I can't stand this anymore! 

I walk up the doorstep and open the door. Once I come in, my Mom greets me.

"Hello, sweetie. How was it?" How was it? HOW WAS IT?! CAN'T YOU SEE THE EXPRESSION ON MY FACE?! YOU RAISED ME FOR ABOUT 17 FUCKING YEARS AND YOU CANNOT EVEN READ MY FACE?!

I can't stand it anymore, I run up the stairs with tears in my eyes and slamming the door shut behind me.

Fucking, bloody, cock sucking hell! 

I jump into my black, queen sized bed and sob.

How can someone do this? How can someone be so harsh? So evil? 

I heard a beep on my phone, I grab it from the nightstand and read the text.

From: Brad <3

Hey, Carrie. I asked Valerie on a date and told her that we broke up but she said no. Is there a place in your heart to forgive me and be mine again?

WHAT THE FUCK?!

You come around asking me to be your girlfriend and then you say "Oh, I can't take this anymore." And then you come back asking if I will forgive you?! 

DO YOU NEED A BRAIN TRANSPLANT?!

I ignore the text and go back sobbing. He is the most stupid, charming, evil person I know! First, there's Olivia and now there's Brad! They make a perfect couple! Never mind about Valerie and Brad, everything is clear with Olivia and Brad! Fucking evil twin babies!

There is a knock on my door. I look at it and it opens, revealing my dad with his brown sweater.

"Hey, sweetie. Whoa, I have to get used to your room being dark. . . And black," I glare at him. My dad is the only person that could make me smile when I'm down and the person that I trust. Somehow, I feel calm. Relaxed. It's as if my dad has some kind of aura in him. Like... He's magical...

"Anyway, did you and Brad have a bad break up?" He asks and I nod, showing him Brad's text.

"He's a messed up boy," and I nod again, giggling a little. "Well, I'll let you be. If you need me, I'm just across the hallway." He exited the room and closed the door. And the anger is back. My dad is magical!

You know what. I'll do something that I've been wanting to do since last year. Last, mother fucking year, I should have done it but I was so much of a coward!

I walk to my bathroom--that is connected to my room--and rummage through the drawers. And I finally reach the bottom drawer to see the one thing that I need.

A razor.

Feeling happiness and calmness flow through my body again, I start cutting at the end of my left arm, going towards my wrist. I softly screech from the pain. But it's sweet pain. Sweet, sweet, pain. It's like going to the doctor to get an injection, but then you get a treat. Like a balloon, or a candy. 

Now, my arm is dripping with blood. Everywhere, there are drops of blood. I smile at what I have done. Do I want this? Yes, I do. 

And suddenly, I feel my hands get cold and my head goes light. Ears are ringing and my vision slowly becomes blurry. Yes, this is what I want. This is was I wanted a long time ago. Death. Grim Reaper, come and take me.

My phone starts ringing and I walk out from the bathroom towards my phone with my arm dripping everywhere. Yes, make people know that you're gone. Gone from this fucking, miserable place! My head starts to go really light and my ears ringing louder. 

I answer my phone and I hear Terence's voice. Poor, poor, Terence... My lovely, best friend Terence. I'm so sorry.

"Hey, Carrie. I heard what happened--Valerie texted me. I just called to ask if you need anything."

Ears ringing louder and louder as he speaks, I can barely hear anything that he says after-wards. Whatever, I have to tell him now. I have to say good-bye. Say that...

"I. . . Love. . . You. . ." 

Did I say that right? What did I say? Ow, my head is spinning and I loose everything around me. Did I drop my phone? I think I did. I must have. 

Ow, fuck!

I see darkness, and then this tiny little light, like I'm in a tunnel. Heaven? Am I going to heaven? Or am I going to hell with what I have done?

Am I dead?