No One Accepts Me

Chapter 7

I wake up to the sound of the hospital heart rate monitor. 

Shit.

Did I not die?

I slowly sit up and my head starts throbbing and my vision getting into place. I look around and see my mom sobbing into Terence's shirt. He's looking at me. Why is he looking at me? Did I do something? Well, of course you did something you dimwit. You committed suicide!

Right... Right... About that...

"Hey..." I manage to say, although I don't know how. My throat is dry as fuck. 

Mom stops crying and looks at me. The same look Terence is giving me and I'm getting a heart attack. Stop it with the staring!!

Then suddenly, Mom walks out of the room crying again. Terence is still looking at me.

"Water..." 

Terence stands up and walk to the refrigerator and get out a bottle of water. He gives it to me and I chug the whole bottle. It feels good to have the water passing through my throat.

I give back the empty bottle to Terence and he throws it in the trash can. He walks back to his seat. 

"Why would you do that?" He asks. Shit... What should I say? I was expecting to be dead by now. But I'm sitting on a hospital bed, thinking of an excuse.

"I. . ." I start and think of words to say. Think, Carrie, think! What other explanation is there? You know what, I'll tell him the truth. The horrible, horrible, truth. 

"Brad."

And with only his name, he already knows why. Of course, he was the one hanging out with him because of our agreement. How else can he not know why? I bet Brad was mistreating him too. Calling him a pussy or something.

Terence shakes his head and putting his hand on his forehead. Yup, he knows why. "Do you remember anything before you. . ."

"Died?" I finish him off. 

Terence nods and I can see that he wants to cry but he's holding it in. Poor Terence. I didn't want him to be like this. He is a really good friend to me. And  Valerie too. I don't know what to do without them!

The door bursts open and here comes Valerie with worry in her face. "Carrie? Carrie! You're okay! I felt guilty about what happened!" She says, running into the room without closing the door. 

"Valerie. . . I-it's okay. . . I know why Brad likes you but--"

Brad enters the room. Who let that mother fucker come in? He's the reason why I'm laying in the hospital bed! HIM! ALL HIS FUCKING FAULT BECAUSE HE WAS A STUPID ASS MOTHER FUCKER! CUNT!

Valerie steps back and walk to Terence. I think something happened between the two.

"Baby! Oh, I am so sorry!" He says, putting a hand on my cheek. 

Sorry? That's all you say? 'Sorry'? For what? For being such a dickhead? Then I forgive you because that's understandable. But, 'Sorry' for breaking up with you is not acceptable. 

I want to yell at him. I want to scream and break his neck and give him a brain transplant but I can't seem to do so. All I do is look at the other side and see Terence's expression. Oh, he's pissed, alright. 

"YOU GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HER!!!" He yells, standing up from his chair and pointing a finger at him.

"Why not? She's my girlfriend after all!" Brad say, calmly. 

THE FUCK?!

"I AM NOT!" I retort, finally getting something out. Now, I've got enough of this guy. 

"YOU ARE THE REASON WHY I'M SITTING ON THE HOSPITAL BED. YOU ARE THE REASON WHY I COMMITTED SUICIDE. AND YOU COME HERE AND SAY SORRY?! YOU'RE SUCH A DICKHEAD! SUCH AN IDIOT! YOU NEED A DOCTOR!" By this time, I'm standing up, my face just a few inches from Brad's and I'm panting with anger. 

He put his hands up, shake his head then leaves, slamming the door behind him. I'm glad I've got that out of my system. I look back at Valerie and Terence who just looks at me with their mouths open wide. 

Valerie is the first to snap. "Um... T-That jerk!" Valerie yells, and now Terence's has snapped too. 

"Wow..." Terence says breathlessly. I know, I know... I'm amazing sometimes. 

I walk back to my bed and lay down. My head starts throbbing again. Well, no more yelling anymore at least. I hope...

Valerie's phone rings and she excuses herself then leaves the room.

"As I was saying," Terence says, sitting back down to his chair, "do you remember anything before. . .  You know?"

"Yeah. . ." I say, awkwardly. Although, not all of it.

"Remember that phone call?"

"Uh..." I'm thinking of the phone call... The phone call... Oh! The phone call! No, I do not remember... I don't think I even know what I said. "What did I say?" I ask him

"Well--"

A male doctor comes in the room, just around his twenties and he's holding a clip board. Thanks a lot, Doc.

"Hello, Carrie," he greets. "Will you excuse me, sir? but I need to talk to her in private."

Terence nods his head and leaves the room. 

"Well, you tried to commit suicide didn't you?" The doctor asks. Well... DUH!

"You survived because you didn't cut a vein. You just lost a lot of blood, that's why you went unconscious." He informs me. Fuuuuuuuck!!

"I told your parents to give you therapy. . . After all you--"

"Yes, I know doctor."

"That's all. Your parents will be here shortly." He says then leaves the room, leaving me and that annoying beeping sound. Shit, what's going to happen now? Since my parents know that I'm suicidal, but I don't want them to think that! They're far to precious for me to handle them thinking I'm going to suicide any minute. And Terence... I feel so bad now. I was selfish! I wanted to escape my pain, escape all my sorrow. But I didn't know how this will affect everyone around me. I'm a selfish little bitch!

I notice that I'm clenching my fists and I relax myself. I hate myself. Life means nothing now! Everything is so fucking hard! It was so nice and simple back then!

How can I survive this living hell?