i don't want you to fall only for my looks. i want you to fall for every other part of me.
i want you to fall for my ugly laughter and my lame jokes, for the fact that i laugh at my own jokes more than anyone in this world ever could. i want you to fall for my effort to make you laugh, for my terrible puns at the grocery store or shopping malls or the puns i make out of shops' names.
i want you to fall for my effort of baking brownies for you at midnight, the way my hands get dirtied by melted chocolate chunks and eggshells and vanilla essence. i want you to fall for my clumsiness and how i always forget to line the baking pan or preheat the oven before i start baking. i want you to fall for the fact that i love cooking even though i really suck at it, how i would always talk about how my mum wouldn't even let me in the kitchen when she's cooking just because it's her kitchen and she doesn't want my presence, strongly believing that i'll make a mess out of everything. i want you to fall for how every time i'm cooking or baking i'd always talk to myself, telling myself what to do next, pretending that i'm in front of a camera, shooting for a cooking show. i want you to fall for my tasteless dishes because i don't like salt and would most probably put too less of it in my first few trials of cooking.
i want you to fall for my pickiness in food, the fact that i don't eat chocolate and i don't eat nuts, but i only eat chocolate with nuts. i want you to fall for how i don't eat any type of egg noodles, how i don't find steak appealing and how i prefer 4fingers over kyochon even though they basically taste the same. i want you to fall for how i claim that i'm the biggest fan of boost juice and starbucks, but i always only end up buying the same flavour every damn time (cookies and cream ftw), and i don't even like coffee.
i want you to fall for my music taste, how it's all over the place. i want you to fall for the fact that i'd listen to songs that are either too overrated or too underrated and there's no in between. i want you to fall for how i would play songs whenever i'm doing literally anything. i want you to fall for my singing in the shower or when i'm doing the dishes, thinking that if i were brave enough to join a talent show, i'd surely get the golden buzzer or all the four judges to turn their chairs around saying "i want you". i want you to fall for my dad dances, and my failing to rap each verse perfectly, especially eminem's parts in love the way you lie.
i want you to fall for everytime i start to freak out because it's too hot and the air ventilation isn't working enough and i start to sweat and feel claustrophobic because there are too many people. i want you to fall for my constant hunt for tissues to try and hide the fact that my sweat is already showing up on my scarf and probably my clothes too. i want you to fall for every time i get slightly triggered when someone points out my profuse sweating, for the very fact that i just sweat a lot and i'm highly insecure about it.
i want you to fall for my mental breakdown in the middle of 3 am, when all i could think of are ways to end my life. i want you to fall for when i'm on the verge of bursting in tears because i'm telling you about my mother and how she treats me. i want you to fall for the fact that i still love her especially on the days and times when she would treat me nicely. i want you to fall for my stories of my traumatic past. i want you to fall for my insecurities, for how i would count each of my flaws, adding one more every night. how i would compare myself to all those other girls you could've been with, but you chose me. i want you to fall for how i would always tell you that you deserve better, but also for how grateful i am to have you in my life.
but most importantly, i want you to fall for the fact that i'm falling for you slowly and more each day, that despite me listing down every little thing i do that i find annoying and un-falling-for-able, i am also listing down every little detail of what you do.
i want us to fall for every part of each other, to fall in love and never out of it.
footnote: and for now, i might have not met you yet, but when i do and when i'm completely sure, i promise you that i will fill all these blank pages of the little things about you that i will be falling for.
and i will give you a chance to also list down the things about you that you would want me to fall for, no matter how annoying or un-falling-for-able you find them to be.
and then maybe, just maybe, you can help me eventually fall in love with myself, too. i hope the same way goes for you, and i promise to help you too.
