Stray Cat

Chapter Ten

Phil was a light sleeper and he didn't get much rest thanks to the Neko sharing his bed. He could tell how uncomfortable Dan was and he knew it wasn't his fault, so he did his best to make Dan feel safe as he thrashed in his fever dreams by murmuring soothing things and holding him closer.

At one point, Dan jolted awake, seeming to be completely aware. "Phil," he gasped. "I'm going to be sick. I don't want to be sick in your bed. Please help."

"Okay, one second." Phil grabbed his glasses from the nightstand. He had been on the edge of sleep a moment ago, and while he knew what needed to be done his limbs still felt heavy with sleep. He willed his legs to move over the edge of the bed, and they moved slow to obey him, but finally he was sitting up with his legs out of the bed. He turned to Dan. "Hold on."

Phil picked up Dan and carried him to the bathroom. Dan clambered out of his arms before kneeling to retch bile into the toilet. By the time he came up for air, Dan's face was pale and sheened with sweat. "Sorry. About waking you. About all of this."

Phil sat on the edge of the bathtub beside Dan. "It's not your fault. Don't apologize. But Dan, can I ask you something?"

Dan nodded. He was still kneeling by the toilet, and he seemed to be debating if his stomach had settled yet.

"You look like hell."

Dan grinned and despite the sweat on his face he looked lovely as his eyes lit up in amusement. "Thanks so much. What was your question?"

"I was just wondering if it was always this bad. If you always get sick like this. This happens every month, right? I wouldn't know how to handle that if it were me."

"Oh, no actually, it's not usually like this." Dan was staring at the washcloth that was hanging on a hook near Phil, so Phil dampened it under the tap and handed it to him. Dan started cleaning the sweat off his face as he talked. "I only had a heat like this once before, my first one when I was 12, about to turn 13. They started giving me suppressants right after that. I was on them for 5 years, right up until the time I was sold. I actually liked the pills – they were the one thing I liked about living in that place. That I didn't have to feel like this every month."

Phil grasped one detail of what Dan just shared, and his hands fisted at his sides. "You told me that you had just turned 18 when we met. You meant that literally, didn't you? They sold you when you were 17?"

Dan nodded and looked at Phil's fists. He reached out to tap one with a fingertip. "Don't be angry. Not on my behalf. It's not you."

"Oh, really?" Phil asked, not entirely happy to hear himself described in that way. Phil had never been strong or tough, and whenever a physical confrontation happened – like a playground fight – Phil had always run away. He always felt like a coward, and right now he wanted to be different. He wanted to be someone strong and vengeful who could hunt down and punish the people who had hurt Dan. His fist tightened under Dan's fingertips. "You say being angry isn't like me? So, who am I?"

"You're... you." Dan pulled his hand back and bit his lip. He hesitated, but went on, "You're sweet, like the sweetest person I've ever met. You're funny, gentle, and kind. You're a lovely person."

Phil thought about how similar this sounded to the things he'd thought about saying in response to Dan asking why he liked him. He opened his mouth, but then he closed it.

Dan gave him a slight smile. "What?"

"Nothing. Just, there was something I wanted to tell you. Something I wanted to explain, but this really isn't the time. I'm not sure there ever will be a time, now that..." Phil shook his head, trying to balance being honest with being protective. "It doesn't matter. Forget it."