Stray Cat

Chapter Nineteen

It took some time, but Dan slowly became aware of the present. First, he noticed that he was cold, and then he noticed that he was naked. He wanted clothes, so he looked around Phil's room. He got up to pull on a sweatshirt and pants from Phil's dresser, which was when he noticed that it was now light outside. His stomach growled, so apparently it was time for breakfast.

Dan left the bedroom, expecting to see Phil in the kitchen. He was vaguely aware of what happened last night and that seeing Phil might not be a good thing, but Dan wouldn't mind so much if Phil was holding a platter of pancakes.

Phil wasn't there. There were no pancakes, so Dan poured himself a bowl of cereal. He glanced at the clock on the stove, but it was too early for Phil to be at work. So, where was he? Dan braced himself as he allowed his memories of last night to come forward. It hurt. He wanted to stop – to find some kind of distraction so that he didn't have to think about this, but he kept going. He let the memories keep coming as he tried to remember where Phil had gone.

The worst part was that he wasn't just remembering last night. His memories of Phil had become jumbled together with the things that had happened before he came to live here. If he took off his clothes, he expected to see the bruises; he could feel them as if they were there, fresh on his tender skin. He could see the faces of the men who had hurt him as if they were sitting across the table from him, and he could hear their voices taunting him as if they had just spoken.

Phil wasn't here, though. Phil hadn't hurt him last night, so he tried to remember.

Dan's eyes flew open, and he spoke to the empty room, "I sent him away." Dan sighed at his cereal and took another mouthful. So, he had kicked Phil out of his own apartment in the middle of the night. He wondered where Phil went, but he immediately realized that Phil would have gone to Martyn's place. Martyn probably wasn't his biggest fan at the moment, and Dan couldn't blame him; Dan didn't like himself much at the moment, either. Phil deserved someone so much better. He wished that he were normal. He wished that he wasn't broken.

After putting his bowl in the sink to be washed, Dan wondered what he should do. He knew who Phil was with, but he didn't have Martyn's address and he wasn't confident that he could get there on his own. So, there didn't seem to be anything to do but wait for Phil to come home, and that might not be until after his shift. Dan looked around the apartment for a good distraction. The TV didn't interest him. Mario Kart reminded him of Phil. YouTube reminded him of Phil, too. And then he found himself standing before Phil's CD collection. Music was something different. Music was an old friend to him.

Dan grabbed a stack of CDs, Phil's laptop, and a pair of headphones. He started with the classics that he was familiar with before checking out the more modern stuff. Phil had a lot of 90s pop, which was okay but Dan wasn't the biggest fan of it. He tried rock next, which was much better. Phil had a lot of music by Muse, and Dan listened to it all. He remembered that Martyn said that they were Phil's favorite band, and Dan decided that Phil had good taste. After Muse, he picked up the one rap CD he had found in Phil's collection (a post-it on the CD told him that someone had lent it to Phil), and he started listening. Once he'd finished it, he decided that Kanye West was a genius and he wasn't sure why Phil didn't have more by him. Dan had just gotten up to double check Phil's CDs for more when he heard Phil's cell phone ringing in the next room. He hadn't realized that Phil had left it here last night.

Maybe it was Phil calling from Martyn's house? Dan ran into the bedroom to find the phone, which was still ringing. He had never talked on a phone before, but he had seen Phil do it, so he knew what to do. Just before he answered, he saw that the caller-ID said 'Linda', but he decided to answer it anyway. He didn't think that Phil was with her, but it couldn't hurt to pick up the phone – Dan wasn't scared of her. "Hello?"