Never Thought Twice {Liam Payne Fanfic}

45

liam's P.O.V

i slipped one arm into the black suit, then the other my movements stiff and unwanting to do this. the reality of it is, i'm still numb on the inside i feel like my heart is about the color of the black fabric i'm wearing. the saddest part is that i can't even be around my own children with out feeling like they look like her in every way. this is the worst i've been since she died. granted it's only been three days i feel like crap.

today will be three days that i haven't seen my baby boys. i'm a horrible father and i don't know how i'm going to be able to bring them up right. i walked out of the house and turned to see if Becca needed help, she wasn't there but to be fair i've had to use a pillow in bed to replace her body. i locked the door and sulked away. with out much thought i put the car key into the ignition and backed out of the lot. maybe putting on some music would help me zone out some. of course 'if i die young' came on and i turned it off. sighing i saw the funeral home came into veiw and i pulled into the parking lot and sat in my car for a second preparing myself. her parents told me not to worry about the funeral that they would take care of it. the only thing i requested was that it was an open casket because i want to see her before they bury her.

walking past the car that would carry her from the home to they grave yard. i shudder at the thought of having to bury her, it got here to fast. a gentlemen opened the door and i nodded in his direction.

"excuse me do you know where..Becca Pa-" he stopped me thank god and pointed in the direction of an open door and i nodded again. i kept my head down i can't look yet, Mrs. Powell came over to me and hugged me.

"oh liam, it's okay..the boys are here do you wanna see them?" i nodded and swallowed the lump in my throat. i saw them wide awake and trying to squirm out of some blankets. i smiled down at them.

"my boys." i whispered "Becca we make some very handsome children, god why are you gone?" i shook my head and picked them up, craddling them i kissed there heads "I'm sorry you won't see your mommy so heres the best i can do." i carried them over to the casket and knelt with them still in my arms

" Anthony, Nathan this is your mommy-" my voice caught and a tear streamed down my face as i saw her closed eyes and a small smile was on her face. "but it's okay because we will see her again one day, i promise." i sighed "hello gorgeous." i went to put them back in their carrier and i noticed that Anthony was holding onto my finger with all his might trying to get me to pick him up again.

"oh alright," but then Nathan started to cry. so i held on to them and then i had to get in line because people had started to arrive. i was fine until people started telling me how sorry for my lose they were. after a little while i couldn't deal with that i walked out. i paced and my breathing got heavier as i tried to control a sob that was bound to escape at any second. finally i just let it happen i sat against the wall. my head inbetween my knee's. this is to much,

"becca why did this happen? you should be here watching your kids grow up." i could've sworn i heard her say ' i am here' but i ignored it, ghosts dont exsit. i got up and walked back in, in time for the preacher to come in. i sighed and just zoned out on Becca's face thinking about everything we'd been through. suddenly someone rubbed my back and it was Mr.Powell

"son, she loved you so much and you have to believe me. you were the greatest thing to ever happen to her. and i got two grandson's out of you. i'm happy that she found some one like you." i smiled and nodded.

when everything was said and done we walked out and got back into our cars following the car with her casket. i decide maybe a sad song isnt a bad idea so i put in the aux cord and found the song 'this is not good bye' by side walk prophets. great song but, it really just touches home i guess.

i sat through the grueling barriel and i had to stop myself from jumping up and making them stop. after, some one came to me and handed me a letter

"this was left for you." it was in becca's hand writing and i sighed my chest crumbling again. i thanked him and sat in one of the left over chairs that was left out by accudent.

my love,

this is a lot for you to take in and i wish i didnt have to leave you with such burdens. but i promise i will be watching you. i plan on asking the big man if i can be your guardian angel. wow listen to me talking crazy. there was a point to this letter not to make you grieve any more than you have to. the first point being that i can not wait to see what the boys grow into with the help of their womderful father aka you of course. you will do fine don't doubt your self and please don't give up on them.

okay my second point being, i need you to remember me but i also need you to move on. yes we are married, yes i will etternally love you and i wish you feel the same and i believe youu do, please find some one that can be a mother to our boys. not necessarily right now but some time in the future when your ready for it. please not to soon though beacuse i wanna know you still love me in my soul i know you love me but prove it. you were the best thing to ever happen to me and i couldn't have asked for anything more.

my love, be safe and smart and stay handsome for me, i'll always be there dont worry. i will see you again, and when we do reunite we can rejoice but for right now i'm not letting go and please dont ever let go of me either.

all of my love for ever and always till death do us part,

Rebecca Payne.

My wife is gone, my world is not spinning right, right now anyway. i looked over to her burried casket

" forever and always till death do us part"

and with that i walked to my car and got in driving away with some kind of closure.

hi there my readers.....so i'm sad to say this is the last present tense chapter the next chapter will be an epiloge. but for now i'd like you to send in any questions you have through the comments and i will be doing a Q/A chapter after the epilouge in the Q/A chapter my acknowledgements will be made and the book will be completed i'm sad to say that but all good things come to an end. thank you for staying with me for so long i love you all so much!

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