The Story of Us

Chapter 2

Please listen to the song on the side it’s called Bulletproof love by Pierce the Veil ad I think it describes this chapter well. Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter. Disclaimer Ally Carter owns all except for the plot.

Chapter 2  

March 25, 2009

Cammie pov

It’s been a day since our fight, and I still feel broken and numb inside. I’m alone and barely hanging on, and the worst part is that I haven’t been eating. I don’t do it on purpose, I just haven’t had an appetite. I couldn’t fall asleep, the bed was empty and it reminded me of him. I ended up falling asleep on the couch. When I woke up there huge dark circles under my eyes but I honestly could care less. Everything that used to bring me joy has now become dull and boring, just like the rest of my day.

Work was boring as usual but it’s never fun. Sitting around doing paperwork leaves you a lot of time to think. Most of my thinking was either about my future or Zach. I don’t know what to do with Zach. I don’t know if I should break up with him, or forgive him. Maybe I’m just overreacting and blowing this out of proportion. Am I? I questioned myself endlessly. No matter what I thought I couldn’t deny the fact that a big part of my life revolved and included Zach.

But what if I’m not overreacting? What if I have a right to be angry at him? Then what do I do, does admitting I have a right to be mad at him do anything? Does it bring me out of my state of depression? Does it solve anything? There were so many question and not enough answers for all of them. I put my head down in frustration neglecting the piles of paperwork that sat before me.

To top it all off, I was truly alone. Bex and Macey went on an undercover mission in Bulgaria, Liz went on her honeymoon with Jonas. My mother and step-father are out of the question, knowing them I fear they will do something rash. Plus Grant and Nick went on a short recon mission in Greece. Even though it would be a quick mission they would be back the latest in 2 weeks. Grant and I are pretty close, we’re practically brother and sister. He was always someone I could confide in, and now he’s gone. How could Zach even assume that? I never fully understood why he made that stupid remark, obviously I didn’t like Grant if 1) he has a girlfriend who is my best friend, and 2) I care, or cared for Zach and I honestly don’t know what I feel for him, but that’s beside the point, at the time I loved Zach and if he loved me he would know I wouldn’t even dream of cheating on him.

I’m starting to believe that the only reason he brought up that ridiculous assumption was because he doesn’t care. It pains my heart to say this but maybe he never cared. If he did, we wouldn’t be in this situation…right?

I felt a migraine kicking in due to the mental debate I was having with myself. I was so confused, one second I want to get back with him, the next I want nothing to do with him. I had nobody to confide in but myself. Once again I sighed, I picked up a bottle of water lying beside me and took a long sip. My headache was still there and if anything it got worse. I turned back to my paperwork maybe that would take my mind off of this metal debate going on inside my brain.

I only got through another page of my summary of my recent mission when my mind wandered back to the reason behind my depression. What if it’s my fault? What if I did something unintentionally that I had no idea upset him? What if he hates me now? What if he doesn’t love me anymore? Then the most heartbreaking thought occurred I my mind. What if we break up with each other?

That question brought up the topic of my feelings. How do I feel about Zach now? I wondered. I mean I still love him but he really crossed the time that time. Sure we got into fights before but we knew our respective boundaries. Plus we would get over it a few days later. Somehow during this fight whatever boundaries we had disappeared, our arguments targeting weaknesses of the other and I doubt we would get over this soon. He knows my father and his death is a touchy subject for me, so why did he bring it up. I just can’t fathom how he could say something like that.