"For Me" a Jared Kleinman x Reader story

The call

      .......Evan?

       Why would he be calling. You thought he hated you. You thought he had been ignoring you, acting like you were a whore or a bitch. You debated in your mind on whether to pick up or not.

       "Fuck it" You mumbled dryly to yourself as you got up slowly.

      It hurt to pretty much do anything so he should be pretty damn happy that you were making this effort for him.

      You cautiously answered the phone. And sat back down on the floor.

      "Y/N OH MY GOD ARE YOU OKAY, WHY HAVEN'T YOU BEEN RESPONDING TO ME, JARED, OR HEATHER, WHAT'S GOING ON IS EVERYTHING OKAY?!" Evan seemed out of breath and scared. He almost sounded like he was crying. You also started to hear muffled things such as 'did she pick up' and 'is she okay' on the other end of the line.

       "Why are you even calling me? I thought you and the group hated me. I thought you guys were mad at me because I 'abandoned you guys for someone that you hated'. And I punched Connor. What even happened that you're even allowed to call me." You said with a deadpan and unenthusiastic tone.

       "Well u-um you s-see," Evan started to stutter out, "I left the group. All they started doing was talkin about how they were mad because you left us and things got miserable. I started talking to Heather and Jared and they told me you havent been talking to them. They addressed their concerns with me and we've all been trying to get in touch with you. I still care about you and I don't understand how the group could just leave you like that."

       Your heart pretty much broke when he said that. You started to claw at the collar of your shirt leaving large red scratch marks that occasionally tore your frail skin. You might have started crying but everything was just racing through your head in circles that you couldn't tell what you were doing.

      "Y/N...?" Evan asked. You were so silent you could already hear the sounds of crickets chirping in the background. But a familiar voice snapped you out of your thoughts.

       "EVAN IS SHE OKAY?!" You heard Jared yell from the other side of the phone. You hung up immediately. You threw your head against the wall. You were scared to talk to him or Heather. What if they hated you for ignoring them? What is he thinks you're cheating? What if the two of them think they're getting replaced? All of these questions filled your mind like taunting voices that wanted you to feel worse. And they succeeded. You ran to the bathroom and locked the door. You sat in the tub for a while (if you don't have a bathtub just imagine your sitting inside the shower). It's almost like that was your thinking place. Like it was the only place where you could try to fight with your demons ("I'm chasing my demons in a shower crown" sorry, not sorry) and occasionally win. Of course that was very little. You looked down at the drain that had a small dried up ring of blood on it. You haven't been going to school for about a month and have been forging your mom's signature so it wouldn't count towards you getting held back. 

       The voices in your head got louder and louder. Those questions circled faster and faster making all of your emotions bubble up inside you, each one waiting for a specific time to pop. "But what if they actually care?" You asked yourself before you finally snapped and let out an animal like scream. It was wild. It's almost like you just lost all control. Everything went white for a minute. You finally had a blank slate, something you've been craving for a while. You blinked

      Once

      Twice

      On the third time it all went away. You realized that it wasn't actually a blank slate. It was like a mirage, it was just a vision you thought was true because for once you actually thought that there might be hope, that someone actually cared. You had spoken against yourself and thought on the good side for once and it snapped you.It made your thoughts take a quick break from the torturous dungeon it normally is and made you almost be able to reach the thing you craved for.

    But unfortunately you also realized that it wouldn't happen again for a long time. It wasn't that easy for you to be positive. "Be positive" "Look on the bright side"  are thing people constantly say to you but they don't understand how hard that is. They can't feel your pain and they just think that it's that simple. But those moments when you could were pure bliss.

      You stood up and got out of the bathroom. You went back to your room, the only other place you felt the slight amount of comfort besides....

       "Snap out of it" you mumbled to yourself before laying down onto your bed. You rolled on your side and winced as the cuts still hurt. You had a glass of water and your stomach growled and clawed wanting more, but it didn't get that, just glasses of water. You started to drift off to sleep for once. Once you fell asleep you starting to hear knocking. You wondered what the noise was. Since you were asleep you thought it was only in your head. But then it became louder and louder until there was one final 'BANG' and you woke up. Then you realized, it wasn't in your head...

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A/N

Okay Okay, I finally updated, I might start to go on a regular updating schedule, I might not, it's really up to how much you guys like this book. If you guys really want to see more updates and chapters from me I'll start updating regularly, if you guys are just kinda 'eh' about the book, I'm going to keep updating like normal, which is very chopped up. But anyways I hope you guys liked this chapter and have a nice morning/afternoon/night whatever time it is for you(right now it's like 12:48am and I'm writing this so yay).

                                                                                                                                                                             ~Alex