Red vs. Blue Oneshots

Whipped Cream Pies

"I'm fucking pissed off."

The Freelancers and others alike cleared the hallways quickly, not wanting a slow and painful death.

"Well hiya Fucking Pissed Off, I'm (S/n)!" You stated sassily.

South spun around and glared at you. You raised your hands in the air, faking innocence.

"Take a chill pill woman, you ain't gonna help no one by runnin' round all mad and a'lookin' for a fight."

North entered the scene, calmly walking up to his sister.

"What happened this time?" York asked, looking at the banter before him.

"South got wound up afte' a fight with C.T. that she somehow managed t' loose." York nodded his head, understanding the situation at hand better now.

By this point steam was flying out of South's ears. Spinning on a dime, she slammed her fist into a room control panel. You cringed slightly when you saw whose it was. A big, bold MAINE read the little label. Fuck, she was so in for it after her little fit.

You felt a pit open in your stomach, like something bad was going to happen soon. Like, near-future-in-two-minutes kinda' soon.

You were right- because not even that much later, an angry pounding started from the other end of Maine's door.

"Well fuck."

"Gee, thanks for stating the obvious, goddamnit!"

"Shut it (S/n)!"

"Whatever ye' say, fucking pissed off."

"Why yo-"

Maine's door fell down. An enraged Freelancer snarled and scanned the crowd before him.

"That," you said, pointing your finger at South, "is entirely her fault."

By the time Maine had turned to face the culprit, she was long gone down the halls of the M.O.I. The enraged Freelancer stormed off after her, the single goal to beat the life outta her in mind.

"So....that happened," York finally said, breaking the unnerving silence.

"Yeah," North agreed.

"Yer 'er brother, right? Shouldn't ye b' tryin' t' save 'er?" You asked North.

He glanced over at the panel and the corridor that the two soldiers went down. "I think I'll give them a minute or two alone," he replied.

"Good idea," York agreed.

"Agreed. So wha' now?" You asked.

North opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by a glare from York.

"No," the man next to you clarified.

"You didn't even know what is was going to say."

York raised an eyebrow, and North huffed in defeat.

"How 'bout we grab some food an' discuss this later?" You suggested.

Both men nodded in agreement.

"Oh! An' York?" You called.

"Yeah?" He asked, turning around.

That fast, you smashed a pie from out of nowhere into his face. North has cracking up in the background.

Delta appeared next to York, chuckling slightly.

"Agent (S/n), I would recommend running. Agent York's systems indicate that he-"

You didn't get a chance to finish hearing whatever Delta was saying because you had already taken off running.

"Help!" You squealed, York on your tail as you ran.

In the corner of your sight, you saw Maine chasing South.

Changing directions suddenly, you ran straight towards the angry Maine. You knew that if you fucked up, you would be the one in the medical wing.

CRASH!!!

York and Maine collided and fell to the floor. In the middle of the cafeteria. In front of everyone. The entire room began to burst into laughter.

"Ow," York groaned, resting his head in his hand.

"Well, I gotta g-" You were cut off by a cream pie colliding with your face, which was thrown perfectly by Agent Washington.

"Goddamnit," you muttered before taking off after the rookie.