The Babysitter

CHI Franciscan

Rebecca

I slowly open my eyes. I can tell I'm medicated from the grogginess. Something must have gone wrong but I can't remember.

I hear someone say, oh my god, you're awake. I turn and see Andrew sitting next to me. He's smiling.

"What happened?"

"Don't talk, just rest," he says and I don't remember blacking out.

They told me I was out for three days after the surgery. Of course, I don't remember. I don't remember anything except Andrew's face. I remember seeing his face and not feeling a single, solitary emotion.

The nurse brings me some water and helps me drink.

"Thank you," I say. She nods and smiles. "Can you get me another blanket, I feel cold." She gets another blanket and tucks it around my body.

"How are you feeling?" Andrew says and smiles at me from across the room.

"I don't feel anything," I say.

"It's probably the medication," he says as he laces his fingers in mine. I pull my hand away. "What's wrong?"

"You know she's pregnant, right?" I say and Andrew looks confused.

"Who?" He says.

"Our babysitter, Samantha. You know? The 18-year-old girl you've been fucking in our home," I say.

"I'm gonna go," the Nurse says and walks out.

"Don't fucking lie. It's insulting to my intelligence," I say.

"Um," Andrew says with a chuckle.

"I saw you with her at our home the other day, and at first, I was happy," I say "I was happy when you drug her out by her hair and slammed her down on the ground," I laugh in shock, "What a shitty thing to be happy for?" I fight the tears pushing to the front of my eyes. "I was happy because I believed you. Which has been my mistake our entire marriage. I've always trusted you."

"She came over early," he says. "I wasn't really expecting her till later. In fact, I hadn't even texted her yet, she just showed up. She really screwed things over for me and Carly."

"Must be tough for you," I say.

"Really just annoying actually," Andrew says.

"I fucked someone," I say.

"Yeah?" He says. "So what? Is that supposed to make me jealous?" He crosses his arms.

"I met him at Stanley and Seaforts for drinks. We talked for awhile," I say.

"About the weather?" He says with a chuckle.

"He told me about his wife and the marriage problems, the arguments, the yelling and screaming," I say.

"And I bet you had lots to say about that. Didn't you?" Andrew says, "in fact, I bet you talked for hours on how shitty of a partner I am."

"I didn't even tell him you exist," I say and watch Andrew's pride shatter. "After that, we went back to his house and fucked for hours."

"Okay," Andrew says.

"Oh what? You don't want to hear about him spanking me with a belt? Or the bruises he gave me?" I say.

"I don't parade my infidelity in front of you like a medal, don't do it to me," he says.

"Yes, you do."

"No, I don't."

"At least I have the common courtesy to keep it out of our home. You brought that shit into our bedroom. How many times with how many women?"

"This conversation is over."

"He bent me over the counter and took me from behind."

"Stop."

"He grabbed a fist of my hair and slammed into me."

CRACK! Andrew's open palm stuck my face. He squared over me, a furious tower of rage and hate.

"He put it in my ass too."

He stared at me as the red inside him ignited. Twice he struck me, drawing water from my eyes and bloodying my lip.

"You goddamn whore. You have no idea what I've been going through the last 3 days. I've been put up here day and night, barely sleeping, barely eating, worried sick about you. Worried that I was going to lose you," he says as tears roll down his cheeks. "And you say that nasty shit to me?"

"I don't love you, Andrew, not anymore."

"Yes, you do. You just have to remember. It's in here," he points to my heart.

"I don't love you."

"Yes you do," Andrew says pushing his face closer to mine, his eyes burning hot. My breath escapes me and I can't seem to catch up to it.

"Rebecca, how are you feeling?" Doctor Jane says as she walks in. Andrew quickly kisses my lips and holds it for a half a second long, then steps back and pretends to wipe tears away.

"Hey Jane, thank you so much for what you do," Andrew says and touches her arm. "Both Rebecca and I can't express how grateful we are for having such an amazing doctor work with us." She nods and pulls her arm away.

"How are you feeling?" Jane says.

"I'm not really sure. I am having trouble breathing," I say.

"Will you excuse us please?" Jane says to Andrew.

"I'm sorry?" Andrew says.

"I really need Rebecca to focus and it would be better for her if she didn't have any distractions," Jane says.

"I'm her husband."

"I completely understand Mister Delacy, please don't read into this as anything other than common procedure," Jane says, smiles and touches his arm. "I just really need some, one on one time with Rebecca."

"Of course," Andrew says swallowing as much rage as possible before walking out.

Jane slides a chair closer to me and sits down. A few minutes later, my breathing settles and I'm able to calm down.

"High levels of stress will cause shortness of breath. How are you feeling now?"

"Better."

"Good. Listen, Rebecca, there are some things we have to discuss. Some things concerning the condition of your heart."

"Okay." I try and settle my nervous as best as possible but I'm scared now.

"I want you to take a few deep breaths, nice and slow," Jane says, so I do. "As we talk, you keep breathing, slow and controlled." I nod. "Recently you've been experiencing fainting spells, shortness of breath and general lack of energy. This is due to a heart condition called dilated cardiomyopathy. Are you okay so far?" I nod. "DCM is a condition where the heart can no longer pump blood efficiently through the body. It's a type of heart failure." She reaches out and grabs my hand and I grab back. "We had to perform emergency open heart surgery in order to stabilize your heart and keep it going." My eyes well with pain and fear, and begin bleeding those wet tears that burn with sorrow and weaken the body as they escape from the soul, pulling and tearing you down. "I am going to be honest with you Rebecca, you are going to need a heart transplant." In a rush of catastrophic defeat, I softly weep. Jane clutches my hands and reassures me over and over it will be okay.

"Don't be sad, there's good news too. Your heart has an amazing fight in it. Incredible fight. In fact, after measuring the wall thickness of your left and right ventricle, there is no scientific justification as to how your heart hadn't failed much sooner. In my professional experience, I've never witnessed anything like it before. You are much stronger than I have ever seen and much stronger than you know." I can't stop crying and I'm not sure if it's because I'm sad or happy but whatever the reason, it feels good.

Jane talks with me for a little while longer before leaving. She talks to Andrew in the hall and tells him I need my rest and not to disturb me. He doesn't. I lay in the hospital bed alone and for the first time in my life I feel myself letting go and I release it all. No longer holding onto the past, the present of the future, I stop thinking and begin feeling. I feel every part of my body in its current form and cherish the short, small breaths I'm able to draw and the weak, pulsing beat of my dying heart.

TO BE CONTINUED...