The Babysitter

Daisies

Rebecca

I hear someone calling me. They're pretty far off like a voice stretched down a long tunnel. "Rebecca?" I think they say. "Rebecca, do you need help? Rebecca?" Then all at once, the voice presses loud against my ear. It's Andrew and he's staring at me with this concerning look on his face.

"Are you okay?" He says and smiles.

"Oh yes, I'm fine," I say and smile, "thanks."

I'm standing over the stove stirring marinara in a saucepan. I'm not sure how I got here. I can't remember. Time seems to stop and start infrequently and I'm having a difficult time catching up it all.

It happens again and I realize, I'm laying in bed next to Andrew. I can't breathe. I start to choke. I sit up struggling to breathe and Andrew freaks out.

My throat is closing and the air in my lungs squeezes out, shortening each breath.

"We need to go to the ER," Andrew says.

"We can't," I whisper.

"Becca, something is wrong," he says.

"What about the kids?"

"I'll find a sitter," he says.

"Call Samantha," I say. I don't know why I say it. I watch his face. He hides his emotions well. Better than I've ever been able to notice. For a brief second, his eyes panic, but he plays it off with that warm smile he knows how to wear so fitting.

"It's too late to call her over, it wouldn't be right," he says.

"She's the only one close enough," I say. It's true, I wasn't lying. She is the closest sitter and the kids love her. "Call her," I say. He nods and grabs his cell phone.

Samantha shows up in less than 10 minutes. She and Andrew help me down the stairs and to the minivan.

"Let me know if I can help at all," she says to me.

"You've done enough," I say.

"We'll be back later," Andrew says and doesn't even look at her as he speaks.

"Okay, no problem," she says.

We get to the ER and I'm taken in immediately.

They get me in and check my vitals. The nurse assures me everything will be fine and she leaves. Andrew and I sit in silence waiting for the Doctor.

I notice him looking at me. It's a strange look. I haven't seen it before.

"What?" I say, weakly. He shakes his head and forces a smile. Something is weighing on him. I shut my eyes and focus on my shallow breathing.

The doctor finally comes in.

"I'm Doctor Carson. So you've had difficulty breathing?" She says and I nod. "When did you start experiencing this?"

"Just tonight," I say.

"Okay, we're gonna run some tests and see what we find out, okay?" She says. I nod again.

The poke and prod me for a few hours. Doctor Carson expresses her concern for me and advises me to stay in the hospital for a day just in case. Evidently, my blood pressure is very low and I could pass out at any time.

"I think you should stay," Andrew says.

"I'm probably fine. I'm just tired is all," I say.

"We really need to take a look at your heart and run a few more tests before we can make any conclusive assessment," Doctor Carson says.

"Please stay Becca," Andrew says. For the first time in a long time, there is something else in his eyes. I'm not sure what it is, and part of me doesn't really care. He probably wants me to stay so he can go on without any interruption in his daily activities.

"Okay," I resign weakly.

After they've left my room, I lay in the dark, my mind quiet in the silence of it all. I don't think about anything. I don't think about Andrew, I don't think about Samantha, I don't think about work and Tom and the Johnson account, I don't think about the Blonde, I don't think about any of it.

I place my hand on my chest, feeling around for my heartbeat but I can't locate it anywhere. How do I know I'm really alive? Maybe this is all just a dream. Maybe that's all it's ever been?

I don't remember falling asleep but I wake up at sunrise. Doctor Carson comes into my room. We exchange greetings and she insists I call her Jane. So I do.

Jane tells me they're gonna have me perform some monitored exercises for my heart.

They take me to this different part of the hospital where all these other people are trying to make the weak parts of their bodies strong. They use all kinds of devices and technology too. One man walks on an underwater treadmill. I'm not sure what he's trying to fix but it looks like he's doing a good job. So I smile and tell him so. He doesn't smile back. It's funny to me that we can work so hard on repairing the broken parts of our bodies but we don't have any place to repair the broken parts of our souls. Wouldn't it be funny if there was a place in the hospital for that? There would be a room for unhappy people. A standup comedian would be there, telling jokes and making them laugh. Or a room filled with newborn puppies and kitties. That room's for the sad people. They could have an entire hospital dedicated to fixing all the broken parts of our souls and people from everywhere could go for free.

They plug me into this machine that monitors my heart and put me on the Stairmaster. They start me on easy and have me walk slow. Gradually they increase the difficulty and I'm quickly out of breath. They back it off and have me sit down. I'm gulping down air and I can feel my heart thumping extra hard in my chest.

Jane smiles and tells me I did a good job. She's lying and her eyes say so. I wait for a minute then try again, only this time I'm weaker now and I can't even get past the first set without feeling faint. Jane tells me to keep going and that's when everything goes black.

Andrew, the kids and I walk along Ruston Way. The sun is shining and it's summer. I'm dreaming but don't know it. I can smell the fresh ocean salt floating in the air. Ben is with us but he's a puppy and full of energy and life. He can't stop hoping and jumping around and the kids and I play with him in the grass and daisies. Andrew and I laugh and watch as the kids run around playing and it's nice again.

I open my eyes. There are a bunch of criss-cross wires all over me. I'm not sure what's going on but I'm trying not to panic.

Jane is standing next to me, she's talking to another doctor and there are nurses there now too.

Jane says something but I can't remember. Everything goes dark and I don't remember dying, but my heart stops.

TO BE CONTINUED...