What Is This?

Lost

I am confuse... either that or just stupid.

I sighed and put on my earphones as I began to walk home from school.

This place constantly reminds me of my ignorance...

School was a place to learn but all I was learning was that I know nothing.

Maybe that's my fault... maybe I have a problem...?

A place to learn yet I wasn't learning anything. I was stepping out of my comfort zone to come to a place that does nothing for me but make me feel hurt. There was nothing comforting about this place.

Is school really the problem or am I the problem?

This was just how I felt, other people may have a different point of view. For me though school seemed to be the cause of all of my problems.

But maybe I am the root of my problems?

I didn't know what to think and I didn't know what to do, my life is a maze and I'm completly lost.

Lost my way...

I wondered if there was anyway I could feel comfort, because no matter where I was I just felt pain.

Wandering this darkness that I call home...

I left the school and went to catch the bus. When I got in the bus I looked out the window ignoring everything around me and increased the volume of my music so I won't be able to hear anything.

Everything... is the same thing... with a different name...

Constantly wandering darkness but yet I've been spending my time in the white room...

Maybe the white room was an illusion for darkness, when I first entered the room the light was blinding and it took me awhile for my eyes to adjust.

Always with people at school yet I feel completly alone.

Loneliness wasn't a great feeling to feel, yet I felt it everyday. Most of it was my fault since I was shy, but even when I was interacting with someone I still felt alone.

Is this all my fault?

Is there really something wrong with me?

What am I even trying to say?

Maybe what I was trying to say is that everything wasn't the way it seemed or how it said it should be.

Maybe if I could only be clear with myself...

I closed my eyes for a brief moment, I was either trying to hold back the tears I felt or gather my thoughts. When I opened my eyes I was back in that place, not like I was mad about it.

"You okay?"

Kuri looked at me with concern in his eyes. He was leaning in the middle of the wall that's between Spark and Ocean, he then began to slowly walked toward me.

"Honestly... I don't know" I groaned.

"No one should be surprised by that" Star said.

I can't even be mad at that comment, from since I arrived in this place I had just been showing that I had always been confused. I briefly closed my eyes again, this time I could tell that I was trying to hold back my tears.

"What's wrong?" Kuri asked as he placed his hand on my shoulder.

"More like what's right..." I groaned.

I closed my eyes and clenched my hands into a fist, Kuri then held both my hands. He squated directly infront of me, keeping his gaze on me and held my hands infront of him.

"Now is not the time to abuse yourself, don't hide your pain here... it is Okay to cry" Kuri whispered.

My eyes widened from his words, I then glanced to the side trying to avoid his gaze, by doing so my eyes landed on Ocean. He was sitting with his head down, blocking his face with his arms and legs and with the hoodie over his head like normal.

"O-Ocean" I sniffed.

Ocean held up his head and smiled at me. Even though he was smiling, tears were running down his cheeks, flowing like a waterfall.

Are we experiencing the same pain?

"Don't worry, I won't crack" Ocean smiled.

That was when it happened, I couldn't stop in anymore. A tear rolled down my cheek and more just kept coming, I cried silently until Kuri pulled me closer towards him and hugged me. That's when I decided to speak.

"Why... why does this keep happening...?" I cried.

"What is life suppose to be...? I don't know what to do with it... I'm so lost and confused by it..." I whimpered.

Suddenly I was back in reality; it was almost time for me to get off the bus. I wasn't crying in reality but I still felt the tears inside of me.

Why you sad? I don't know... I don't know...

My thoughts were all jumbled I couldn't think straight. I was just consumed by sadness, pain and darknesss.

I dunno I dunno I dunno why...

I kept walking while I listened to music, I was trying to ignore my thoughts. I didn't want to have a breakdown while I was walking the streets.

I'm so sick of this fake love....