Wish You Were Here

Chapter eighteen and nineteen

Chapter 18
"I got Marburg from Mile's?"
"You did."
I was laying sideways on my bed after lunch, Caroline was sitting with me and holding my hand.
"Listen, Miles has gotten better. Not entirely, but his throat hemorrhage is gone. Do you want to talk to him?"
"I don't want him to see me like this. Wait, can he open his eyes yet?"
"All his hemorrhages are cleared, he's recovering from Marburg. Let's go see him, okay?"
"My eyes hurt."
"You have hemorrhages now."
"Dammit."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. Lets go."
"I'm going to bring him here, okay?"
"Okay."
She bustled off to get Miles, and I looked at my arms. They were covered with raised rashes and bruises. My head was pounding, it was freezing, and my body ached.
I went into a coughing spell, tears forming in my eyes with each cough. My chest and head were agonizing me every second.
Then, Caroline turned the corner with Miles in tow.
"Hey baby." He said, and caroline brought him to the edge of my bed.
"Hey."
"Did you get what I have?"
I nodded.
"Close your eyes, it'll feel better.
I closed my eyes.
"Babe, I love you. You're going to get better. Look at me!"
"But you lost so much weight, and your immune system will always be weak."
"I can gain more weight, and we can have weak immune systems and be amputees together. But, I may have lost weight, but have you seen yourself? I can see your ribs through your hospital gown."
"I love you."
"I love you too. When are they going to do the transplant?"
"The day after tomorrow."
"Wow."
"I know."
"Does he have any organ failure? I know I had a kidney problem." Miles asked Caroline.
"We don't know yet, other than his heart. Were taking him for an MRI soon."
"Okay, I'll make this quick then."
"Miles..."
"Yes, dear?"
"I missed you."
"I missed you too. Can you breathe at all without the bipap?"
"Probably not right now."
He kissed my forehead. "Then that's the best I can do for now."
"I'm glad you're recovering."
"Me too. And you will soon."
I opened my eyes and looked into his, finally, caramel ones.
"I know I never mentioned it, but do you know how much I love your eyes? The different colors are so cool." He said.
"But they're different."
"Everyone is different. At least your differences make you look attractive."
"Not a lot of them."
"You're saying I don't make you look attractive?"
' "That was shallow." I said, laughing.
"I know. Sorry."
"How come you are the only one who can make the worst situation seem great?"
"I don't know. Maybe because you love me."
"I do."
Caroline came over to my side. "I hate to break up the reunion, but Atticus needs his MRI now."
"Okay."

Miles kissed my forehead, and after he was taken back to his room, Caroline took me to get an MRI done.
"Okay, now don't move, okay? You have anything metal on you?"
"Nope."
"Okay, this is going to be kind of loud, so we have noise cancelling headphones."
She put the headphones over me, and then I slipped slowly into the machine.
I had never had an MRI before. It was weird being in the domed structure, and I was exhausted. I didn't know if it was acceptable to sleep or not, but I didn't care. My eyelids fluttered shut and I began to dream...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Atticus? Wake up. It's time to go back to the ICU."
I opened my eyes to Caroline shaking me awake. She was still wearing a blue mask over her nose and mouth, and blue latex gloves.
"What about the MRI?"
"We just finished, we'll have the results in about an hour."
"Okay."
She helped me back into the wheelchair and rolled me back to the ICU.
"If it makes you feel any better, Miles is almost completely better. He's still got quite a bit of chest pain and, as you know, his immune system is almost powerless."
"Is it going to be powerless forever?"
"It may get a little stronger to accommodate to everyday life, but it's always going to be pretty weak."
"Okay."
"Do you want to see him?"
"Yes please."
She brought me to my room in the ICU and then told me she was going to go get Miles.
"Why didn't you just take me to him?"
"Well, because since you just got it you're going to need more rest. You're sicker than him now, and with your heart condition we have to keep a really close eye on you until you get your transplant. Miles is recovering well, so we can bring him to you."
"Okay then."
She scurried off to fetch Miles and I watched her go. I liked Caroline, as a friend. I dreaded losing contact with someone I had grown such a close bond with.
She came back quickly with Miles in a wheelchair.
"Miles, you're going to have to learn to use those crutches pretty soon, unless you want a prosthetic."
"Why would I want a prosthetic?"
"So you can walk?"
"But it's not part of me. It's fake, it comes off. I don't want any body part that I didn't make myself."
"I just don't understand you boys." She said, laughing.
"Thanks Caroline."
She brought Miles to my bed and left.
"Hey baby, are you doing okay?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
"The nurses say you don't eat hardly at all. You're probably already malnourished as it is."
"I'm not hungry."
"That doesn't change the fact that you need food."
"Can I even eat with marburg disease?"
"Well, considering that your chest pain is probably ten times worse than mine and that you've clearly lost more weight than I did, probably not. But I would ask Caroline when she comes in, you've got to have some kind of nourishment in you babe."
"I love how you always look out for me."
"That's what any good boyfriend would do."
"I have to tell you something, and I really don't want you to get mad."
"What is it?"
"First, is it okay to have a crush while your in a relationship?"
"Atticus, a crush is just someone you find attractive. No, anybody is allowed to have a crush at anytime. As long as you don't act on it."
"I really find myself falling for Caroline a little bit."
"Baby, that's normal. She's been taking care of you, she's pretty, she's kind, she is a great person."
"But you're greater."
"I strive to be so."
He kissed my knuckles and I smiled. I felt myself growing very tired.
"Aww, baby, your eyes are so red. Close them before you hurt yourself."
"But I'll fall asleep."
"That's okay, I'll stay with you."
I closed my eyes and concentrated on his palm against mine, the smooth feeling of his thumb circling the top of my hand.
"Don't leave me, Miles."
"I'm not going anywhere."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"Don't leave again."
"I won't leave again."
"I missed you."
"I missed you more."
I smiled, listening to him reassure me. I listened to his calmed breathing, which made me
calm too. Because if Miles thought everything was okay, then I thought everything was okay too.
"Miles?"
"Yes?"
"Are you ever going to go back into war?"
"No, I can't."
"Your dream...."
"I have a new dream."
"What is it?"
"You'll have to wait and see."
I noticed I was about to fall asleep, and I shook myself awake.
"Don't fight the fatigue, Atticus. I did, and it was living hell. If you need to sleep then please do so. I'll stay right here with you, okay?"
"Okay."
I relaxed, focusing on the beeping of the heart monitor. It was worrisome, sure, but the fact that it made any sort of sound comforted me.
Then, I began to nod off, and the last thing I heard before I fell asleep was;
"It's going to be okay..."