Burning Out

Chapter 1

TRAPPED WITHIN

Dedicated to that one person who didn't let me fall apart and was there to push me forward, not letting me give up by just being the radiance in the storm. Thank you for being you drenchedwithinpoetry not sorry for giving you a heart attack. P.S. keep the bottle away.

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It's not as easy as it seems. To put on a smile in a way which makes them all believe that everything's okay.

The effort it takes behind every smile, every laugh and to pull it off so that no one sees the picture behind the walls you have built. The walls you have managed to build so high that even you can't seem to find your way out, a way for you to break through and to laugh freely. All for what? All the effort just to hide your reality, your story, and the reason behind the way you are.

I didn't know this. Any of this...till I saw her. And for some reason, I didn't see the facade she put up for the world to see. I knew that it was all an act but I was afraid that maybe she didn't know that herself...at least not anymore. At that time...I didn't know what was more mesmerising, or more conflicting, the way she smiled at others, the way that smile of hers carried something that was way too big to decipher, stories waiting to be unravelled or how it was that all the while she was smiling, her face remained void of any emotions.

They say if you want to know all about a person, just look in their eyes. They tell you everything. Well, then someone tell me what hers told about her, considering all they were, were empty. Those black pits were exactly what they were...deep emotionless pits. But I knew there was more to her than what meets the eye. I wanted to go up to her...but I didn't. Because I was afraid I would open up wounds that seemed like they were inflicted just yesterday.

Though by what it looked like, they were wounds of long long ago, wounds which managed to leave scars which stayed as though a painful remainder, and bruises that never faded away. It hurts to look at her. She was easily the most beautiful person I'd ever seen.

When she seemed to realise the burn of my gaze on her and she turned around to look at me, I saw guards held up so high that I knew that there was a girl trapped behind them, too lost within the maze of her mind, one who was trapped by her own demons. Chained up and had bruised her wrists trying to get herself out, but the key was nowhere to be seen.

Just looking at her, I knew that those dark blue eyes carried a depthness that would surely drown me if I stared into them for too long. Eyes that carried a storm, storm so big that she would bring destruction all around her.

And she knew that.

She was the calm before the storm hit the coast, a storm which was brewing and swirling in the depths of the ocean which were her eyes.

But when she smirked at me, I knew she wasn't holding back the storm for anyone's sake. She was just waiting for it to take it's affect. She would have ruined me and I would have let her.
But I didn't know that then. And now, she consumes every part of me. In a way, I never wanted. In a way which makes me regret wanting to piece together the broken parts of her soul.

Because no...I didn't bring her back together. In fact, she went down...and took me with her. And when we fell, I cushioned her fall and realised that she was gone. I was left falling into the storm all alone, a storm which never ended, and was swirling black all around me. I tried to stay awake, to try and find my way out but I kept falling till I closed my eyes and everything turned black. It seems as if that's all that is left of me now. And I don't know what to do anymore except for drowning. But I knew one thing, I knew that when I would finally touch the ground, I would be broken into a million pieces. Ones that won't fit together again.

I know that now. And now I'm left thinking...if only I knew that before, so that I won't have to feel this way.
I wish I knew. But I didn't. And there is nothing left for me to do except for falling.

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