Save Me - A ForthBeam Fanfic

Chapter 33

Beam stood at the open balcony at the second level of the house, facing a well kept flower garden that encircled a white water fountain, a statue of a winged little boy spouting water through it's mouth stood in the middle. He remembered small birds used to dip their heads in the water early in the morning when he was little, back when he spent his time watching the gates — waiting for his Mae to be home again.

It was almost eight in the evening and Beam had that twitch in his mouth after reading his boyfriend's message wishing him luck and saying that he misses him. The simple gesture somehow eased his rising anxiety. The evening breeze was cold, the sky was clear and the stars twinkled around the moon. The mixed smell of mist and freshly cut grass calmed him despite the shaking of his hands.

A hand then rested on his left shoulder and he turned around to see his Pa — smiling at him. It's been a while since he had seen that smile and again, it eased his shaking heart.

"It's been a while..you look different, son." he said and Beam notes that his eyes still held that same look of distant pain but he looked a lot older now, it's weird how a single year can change one's appearance.

He put his hands together for a polite greeting and slightly bowed his head and then he gave a weak smile.

"How are you, Pa?" he tried to hide the slightest crack in his voice by clearing his throat.

"I'm fine. Everything is fine, Beam. No need to worry.."

"Oh."

"How are things, son?" he asked, the smile in his face from seeing his son again not leaving his lips.

"Err..uh..I'm..okay. Things are okay, Pa." And this was true, in all the times that his Pa had asked him, this was the first time that he had said he was okay and actually meant it — half of it, at least.

"Good. I missed you, son." and just then, the same tears that Forth saw and wiped away the night before was back on his face again with no Forth to wipe and kiss it away this time.

"I'm..s..sorry Pa." He awkwardly leaned forward and gave one tight hug to the old man who rubbed his back and gave a soft smile and said; "Welcome back."

And now they stood, after an awkward couple of minutes of thinking what to say to start a conversation, to the same spot Beam stood a while ago. So much questions was in his mind and he can't pick what to ask first.

"I know you're here for something, what is it?" His Pa asked after a sip in his tea that the helpers had prepared for them.

It took a while for him to put words properly together but when he did, he didn't hold back.

"What happened..with you and..and Mae.."

Mae. It's been a long time since he said that word. It used to be weird saying it, calling someone Mae but can't really hold her or even see her. Then she came home and he thought everything would change. It did change though, but not for the better. The word started to became bitter and saying it became hard and painful. Even thinking of saying it became a lump in his throat. Now its just a distant memory of pain. And he wants to say it again without a wave of aching in his insides.

"Maybe.." he added when his Pa looked away after he had asked. "..maybe you don't want to talk about this anymore but..i need to know Pa..because not knowing is doing something to me. Things are happening around me and there are people wanting to be part of my life and i can't let them in because I'm afraid one day something like this might happen again and it might take a toll on me and it scares crap out of me. So i need to know..what happened..because not knowing scares me."

His Pa momentarily looked at him and then turned his gaze back outside. Beam waited patiently for his father to find the right words. His insides churn as he took a sidelong glance.