Save Me - A ForthBeam Fanfic

Chapter 36

A/N: Hi. Yes, this doesn't make sense but i just wanted to say thank you i love you. :)

Readers: I thought you said this was the last chapter?
Me: I panicked.

Epilogue to follow. (I really mean it this time.)

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(Third Person's P.O.V)

There were a lot of things about Beam that Forth had been accustomed to, they've been together for nearly a year and in that amount of time he learned that sometimes, Beam was like a gloomy weather, dull and grey. And then other times he was the complete opposite - a blinding sunshine. Would talk about things that doesn't make any sense. Sometimes, he eats anything and everything all at once and then there were times that he wouldn't eat a single bite, not unless Forth shows how worried he is. There were times that Beam would sleep for hours and then he wouldn't and just stare at a wall or at the ceiling. Beam wasn't even aware that Forth knows he looks at him at night sometimes. These inhibitions, these thoughts that one day, he would wake up and then there's no Forth beside him, no Forth anywhere.

Just when you think everything was getting better, life comes and slaps you in the face and makes you realize that it doesn't get better in a single snap. That just because you've forgiven some people doesn't mean you've forgiven yourself entirely and just because you've forgotten some things about your past fears doesn't mean they're not there anymore. Somehow they find a way to resurface back into you to make you remember how bad it feels.

'You know sometimes i think you're a figment of my imagination. I always convinced myself that when i wake up, you'll be gone.' He stared at the ceiling and kept his eyes there, unable to make eye contact with Forth. His hands fiddling with the two ends of the shoelace that dangled from the hoodie he was wearing. He had been wanting to tell him about these fears. He needed the constant reasurrance before he opens up completely.

'Why would you think that? I don't look real enough?' Forth gave a small chuckle after he shifted to lay on his tummy and his elbows propped on the bed, but otherwise didn't say anything more and waited for him to talk again.

'No.' he looked at Forth for a mere second before finally looking at his fingers. He couldn't tell him how scared he was of..of the possibility of losing him. 'Just..you know..you're too...perfect.'

'No one is perfect.' Forth drawled in a bored tone that made Beam look away in embarrassment, like he was telling Beam something he should already know by now. Just, the way he said it implied that there is a possibility that he would still leave Beam when time comes. If not soon, then maybe a little later. Because no one is perfect and people could still make the decision to leave no matter how many times they promised to stay.

'I know.' Beam said, feeling a little defensive. His hands having the slightest tremble this time, usually a sign of an oncoming anxiety attack. 'But..but you know how when you love someone everything about them is perfect? That's..that's just how i feel.' he added in almost a whisper and couldn't help feeling stupid at his reasoning.

It felt like he was defending himself which he didn't realize that he was doing it until now. Beam didn't know when this 'defending himself' to Forth began. It just did. Maybe he changed or maybe Forth did. It happens a lot when one is no longer 'attached' emotionally. (At least that's what Beam knows).

Forth pursed his lips, and rolled out of the bed but remained seated on the edge, his back to Beam. 'You love me? How come you've never said that before?'

Beam felt those pinpricks under his eyelids when he closed his eyes and then took a very deep breath. He won't cry. He's way past that point. Finally, he managed to say; 'Because it's scary.'