What's eating you?

Chapter 13

*Jacky's POV*

Fat is dirty, it hangs on you like a parasite, but bones are clean and pure.

You'll be able to run faster.

You'll be perfect.

One.... Two....Three.. I counted my breaths as I jogged around the track. My legs where numb jello, and sweat burned the freshly open cut on my hand. But I couldn't stop running. Running was the only way I could clear my head for a short period of time. I needed this time, especially what happen today.

After the blow out in homeroom, the teacher had to escort me to the nurse's office, so she can re-bandage my hand. The nurse was a frumpy old lady, who smelled like ginger and cough drops.  Her hair was a halo white around her head, and her eyes where pulled into green slits on her face. I sat in her office for most of first period, reassuring her that everything was all right with me. She made me step on a digital scale, and blocked my view of my weight. She wrote the secret number down and a clip board, and ushered me off of the scale.  

You'll feel more confident and happy.

I picked up the pace. This was the only way for me to feel anything, anymore. After what I said to my mother, and did to Jaz, I would be surprised if anyone still liked me, let alone loved me. Tate and Jaz hadn't shown up to practice yet, which could be a good thing for me, cause God only knows what I would do without so many eyes looking at us.

"Take it easy Jacky." Coach called, as I passed her for another lap. That would make four. Coach begged me not to run today. After what happen, she was worried that I was going to collapse and die right on the track.  I shook my head and pushed myself harder. I could feel the thumping of my heart beat inside my rib cage. I enjoyed the feeling of running, and feeling the wind blow my hair back.

Coach was in my sights, when I saw Jaz.. She was wearing basket ball shorts and a deep scoop shirt. She stretched on the side lines, with half of the football team staring at her. She was smiling and laughing,not knowing how bad she truly hurt me. But I had hurt her just as bad, by slapping and pushing her.

Shut up you big baby! She had it coming!

No, I had no right to do, what I did to her. She was my best friend when I needed one the most. I slowed down to a jog when Tate approached her. She smiled and got to her feet, and wrapped her arms around him. He most have said something funny, cause it sent her into a fit of laughter. I clenched and unclenched my fist. I stopped before I reached Coach again, and stared at them. Tate was the only person I truly loved, and now he's gone stabbed me in the back? I hated them, both of them.

"What you staring at Jacky? If looks could kill, I would be afraid for my life!" Coach laughed.  " Come everyone, line up. We're going to have a practice race and see who has been staying in shape!"

I gave a deep scowl and placed my hands on my hips. I was feeling extremely short of breath lately. I slowly made my way over to the small crowd of people and lined up next to a tall girl. She looked at me and smiled. She had crooked teeth, and a wide nose. Her skin was dotted with little red pimples and scars, yet she had beautiful soulful sliver eyes.

She's ugly.

No she not. Granted she has her flaws, but she wasn't ugly. Soft makeup would really bring out her eyes. Not to be taken for granted, she was super nice to me and always made me laugh.

I returned the smile, and got into the running position. I took a deep breath and cleared my mind. This is what I live for, running. Feeling the adrenaline pump through my veins as my sneakers pound against the track.

"On your mark, get ready... GO!" Coach called. It was like second nature to me. I took off in a heavy sprint, breaking away from the pack in no time. I focused on what laid ahead of me. Three more turns and I'll be the victor. I smiled and pushed myself harder, when suddenly everything started to grow blurry.  Everything had grown silent around me. I could hear the heaviness of my heart beat inside my rib cage. A hot tingling sensation crept into my toes and fingers. I clenched my fist tighter, and tried to push through the pain.

My chest started to grow tight around my lungs. I was gasping for breath as I raced toward the finish line. My heart pushed hot fire through my veins, as it raced inside my chest. That's when everything went black. I felt myself hit the hot track again with great force this time. I heard the unmistakable sound of bones crunching. I tasted blood in my mouth, which meant I laid face first. When I finnaly felt my body stop falling, that when the pain crept into my body. My ribs where sore, and my ankle was screaming in pain. But the most painful thing of it all, was the hot searing pain flooding into my chest. My throat felt like, I had swallowed a flaming ball of chalk. 

"Someone call 911! Jacky, look at me!" It was coach's voice was destined. I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn't stop the bloody cough that bubbled over. I couldn't see anything, yet my eyes where open. 

"Jacky? Oh god." That's when tears formed in my eyes. It wasn't coach by my side, or Tate, but Jaz. I reached my hand out, but it felt like I was holding cinder blocks in my hand. I felt Jaz run her hand over my forehead.

"She's having a heart attack." Jaz called. A heart attack? No, that couldn't be happening. Only fat people have heart attacks, and I sure as hell wasn't fat anymore. My breathing was becoming shallow, and everything started to go numb in my body. I felt like I was drowning, slipping further and further away from the surface.

"The ambulance is on the way!" Jaz stroked my head softly, like I was a child. "You're going to be alright Jacky." She kept repeating over and over.  I felt like I was swimming in a sea of darkness. Every time I went to take a breath, the water around me would choke me off.

My head was throbbing in pain, and blood pooled inside my mouth. My aching ribs made it fall and rise of my chest ever painful as the one before.  My toes where becoming numb, which meant no blood was flowing through out my foot. Something was serious wrong with me. The hot tingling sensation flared it's way through out my chest.

I told you only fat people have heart attacks!

No this couldn't be happening. I was too young to be having a heart attack. Only old and fat people have heart attacks, and I was neither of those things. Everything around me started to grow silent again. I was slipping deeper and deeper into the sea of black nothingness. I had pushed my fat self to hard, and now I was forced to pay the price. A thin red haze started to spread across my mind, numbing most of the pain.

I drifted in and out of the haze for a while, when I felt strong sturdy hands underneath me. The hands where lifting me up, and laying me on something. Maybe I was dead, and they where putting me in my coffin. Fear bounced inside my chest, what if I didn't fit in my own coffin?

How nasty would that be? They would have to burn your body, cause you can't even fit in your own coffin!

No, I couldn't be dead. My heart started to pick up pace again. I wasn't dead, I couldn't be. I was feeling touch. I couldn't hear anything or see, but I felt someone touching me. No! I wasn't dead. I started to claw my way toward the surface. I couldn't breath, it felt like there was a rubber band around my chest. I opened my mouth to scream, but water flooded in to my mouth, down my throat and into my lungs.

That's when everything stopped, my heart, my breathing, everything. The rubber band around my chest loosened, and the darkness didn't feel so thick anymore. I closed my eyes, and let the thick red haze cloud over my mind. I wasn't in pain anymore. I was feeling at peace with my self, for the first time in.

Nothing taste as good as thin feels.