What's eating you?

Chapter 15

I was floating through bliss. My body no longer felt weighted down my shame and ugliness. I felt like I had broken the sliver chains that where binding my body, and now I was finally taking flight. I felt so free, so alive. I knew I was falling, but I wasn't afraid. I didn't know where or when I was going to land. I listen to the soft rustling of the wind past my ears. The way my hair whipped gently around me, I was finally happy with myself.

I closed my eyes and smiled. I reached out my hands, and felt the coldness of snow. I didn't want to open my eyes, for the fear the feeling might end. I took a deep breath of cold air and opened my eyes. I was no longer falling, but laying on the soft snowy earth looking up at the sky. Tiny white flakes of snow floated down, landing on my face.

"You just going to lay there?" My brother was standing over me. His soft eyes smiling down at me. I scrambled to my feet and stood in front of him.

"This battle isn't over. She going to do everything in her power to bring you down, make you feel worthless, but Jacky you're not worthless. You are beautiful, you are the best at everything you strive for.  Though you may stumbled and fall, don't forget you are never alone in this battle. You have people who love you, and who want to see you thrive. No matter what happens, you always have me." Darren wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer. The warmth of his body made my heart flutter. I wanted nothing more, than just to feel his hugs again.

I smiled up at him, tears glistening in my eyes. Darren always knew the right things to say to me. I laid my head on his chest and took in a deep breath, I didn't want this moment to end. I wanted to be with my family, like old times.

"Jacky-" I pulled away and looked him in the face " You have to wake up." No, no! This couldn't be a dream, it felt to real. Suddenly everything around me started to fade away.

"No! Please." I reached out my hand to catch Darren's. This couldn't be a dream, and even if it was I wasn't ready to face anyone, not after what I've done to them.

"You're ready, just open your eyes." Tears fell from my eyes as I watched my brother fade away for the last time. All too soon I was standing in blackness.

"Just wake up Jacky. That's all we want, is just for you to open your eyes." It was no longer my brother's voice.

My mother sounded like she had been crying. I searched around for anything, but all I saw was walls of darkness.

"Take your time, your body needs to heal. All I want is for you to just wake up." My mother whispered softly.

"Open your eyes Jacky." My brother's soft words echoed hollowly inside my head. I drew in a deep breath and squinted my eyes closed. I pictured my mom and my dad, their smiles, their hugs, I pictured us being a family again. I exhaled slowly and opened my eyes. I felt a pang of sadness in my chest. I was still surrounded by darkness. 

"I can't!" I yelled. I twirled around looking for anything. A thin white light started to form at the opposite end of the darkness. I took tentative steps toward the light. Was I ready to fight this? Was I truly ready to get help?

"You can do this." It was Lee's voice is what flooded my chest full of emotions. I smiled and ran as fast as I could toward the light. The closer I got to the light, the brighter it became. Soon I was squinting, and cover my eyes with my hand. I was afraid I was going to trip, and everything would disappear and I would be plunged back into darkness.

I ran through the light, and it felt like I was stumbling through a car accident. My ribs ache, my ankle was a swollen and numb, and my head was on fire..My eyelids felt glued shut, as I struggled to open them again. It felt like I was pushing against a brick wall, and it wouldn't budge.