What's eating you?

Chapter 21

*Jacky's Pov*

I sat with my forehead pressed against the cold plastic table. I did it, I truly did it. I finished every single piece of waffle and blue berry on my plate. Every muscle in my body seemed to be tense beyond belief, and my heart hammered away inside my chest. But that didn't matter to me. The over whelming feeling of pride in myself made all the pain seem like it wasn't even there anymore.

"You all done? I'll throw away the dish for you." My mom poked her head around the corner. I waved my hand through the air, signaling to take the dish away.

My mom quickly picked the plate up and tossed it into the trash. It was like she was dancing, she took only three steps from the table to the garbage and back. She sat down in the chair next to me and spoke calmly " Everything is going to be okay." She gently ran her hand up and down my back, leaving a warm feeling in my body.

I quickly pulled my eyes up to her face, and stared at her for a moment. Here was a woman who had lost her son, and watched her daughter wither away to nothing, and here she was telling me it was going to be okay. I should be the one too be telling my mom, it was going to be okay. I should be the one holding her, and letting her cry. But no, here I was, a nerves wreck, just because I had to eat something.

Shame, that all you are, and will ever be.

"I'm proud of you." She gave me a careful smile and gave my hand a tight squeeze. " The moving truck is here, and your father wants to hurry up and get everything out of this house. He is so eager to get out of this house." A flash of sadness crossed my mother's face. I suddenly realized, I wasn't the only one who was scared about this move. I wasn't the only one uprooting their whole life to move three states away too some unknown town.

"I'm sorry I don't mean to worry you Jacky." She quickly brushed away a stray tear and looked away.

I grabbed onto her hand, like I did when I was a little girl, and spoke as gently as my shaking voice would allow. " Talk to me." I sounded like I was a sixty year old smoker, mixed in with a dying cat. I could tell I caught her off guard, by the deer caught in head lights, look she gave me. More tears fell from her eyes as she parted her lips to speak.

"I don't know about this Jacky. This house is where our whole lives have happen. This house is where we brought Darren and you home from the hospital, this house is where I watched as Darren broke his arm, and you busted your lip. This is the place where I lost my son, and my whole world came crashing around me. This place is where I sat and cried for weeks on end, because I felt as if I had failed as a mother, this is where I failed to see my daughter was slipping away from me." My mother's voice trailed off.

I didn't know how to reply to her. After Darren's death, I never really thought of how other people might have felt, I only focused on myself, and my obsession. I ran my fingers through my hair, and took in a deep breath and smiled. " I think this move is going to be good for us." My mom looked at me sadly.

" Just think about it. Ya, we have some good memourius in this house, but after everything that has happen, I think we as a family have out grown this house. A new home, a new start." She laid her hand on top of mine and placed her other hand on her heart.

Fresh tears glisten in the back of her eyes, as she spoke in a smooth and even tone. " I'm going to start bringing out some boxes, get what you can, but don't strain your self." She pushed the chair back, and stepped away from the table.

"We're leaving around noon, we should be there by tomorrow morning." A cold shudder ran through me as I glanced at the clock. two more hours, and my life would be taking a drastic turn, for better or worse.