ELDRITCH NIGHT (Rough Draft)

Chapter 36: The Fruits of Despair

My exuberance at having succeeded quickly faded into a quiet melancholy as I realized I had absolutely no idea what to do with that success.

Even after hours of careful work, all that I had managed to collect was a ball of eldritch energy the size of a large pebble. The problem was that I had absolutely no idea what to do next. It might even be a liability if it were to be discovered.

I considered letting it go, allowing it to vanish into the ether.

I was quickly disillusioned with such a plan, not because it wasn't the best idea but because I was constitutionally unable to simply sit and wait. I needed to do something. Anything.

The sphere of energy was incredibly dense and could probably be stretched out into a dagger or maybe a tool, like a wrench or screwdriver — though I couldn't think of any possible way any of those items would allow me to escape.

If I did escape, what then?

I was being held prisoner by what was, for all ostensible purposes, an alien occupation force that was hundreds or even thousands of years more technologically advanced than humans. I was pretty sure they had planned for 'bad guy with a screwdriver.' At least of the non-sonic variety.

Instead, I simply sat there pondering my open palm. If anyone was watching me they must have thought I had finally snapped. Unless they realized the truth, that is.

You're being watched...

This idea filled me with a sense of dread and I immediately clamped shut my hand, leaving the invisible ball of energy within my closed fist. Until that moment it hadn't even occurred to me that I was probably being watched.

I couldn't see any cameras, but that hardly mattered when dealing with the Peacekeepers. Sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic, plus... they had actual magic. They could be capable of anything.

This didn't stop me, it just convinced me to be more discrete.

I had hoped to practice with the energy, shaping it into tools and weapons. It was a miniscule amount of the energy, but it represented a chance to exercise and grow my skill. Real skill, not the sterilized and easily quantifiable version granted by the system.

There was no way such actions wouldn't draw attention. If I was going to practice it would have to be something less visible. Something more... internal.

With a thought I released the energy. It quickly separated into innumerable threads that fled in every direction – or they would have had I not exerted my control once more. I guided a small number of the threads back into my hand, allowing them to be absorbed through my pores.

More...

I stopped holding back and allowed every speck of energy to flow into me.

The energy flowed down my arm and into my chest like a flood of frigid water. Feelings of cold and loneliness filled my senses, threatening to drag me down into the depths of depression and self-loathing. The sensation quickly passed, but I was left with the idea that such emotion did not originate from myself.

I shivered for a moment as I contemplated my situation. Depression did not seem unreasonable, and yet I had never felt such absolute despair before. I was pretty sure it would have shown up by now if I was predisposed towards it.

It was as if I had, for just a moment, been completely cut off from any sense of connection or belonging, as if I were alone in a cold an unforgiving universe.

It was a terrible feeling that could easily consume me, a common danger when dealing with anything that had to do with the eldritch.

I knew that the energy could shape reality. Could it shape emotion as well? Perhaps it was the other way around – my own emotions warping and amplifying the effects of the energy.