This OC was submitted by @dancegirl222 and I was asked to review them. Everything I say in this is just my opinion, and I may be a bit harsh. Don't take it to heart. I really am just trying to help, but doing it in a humorous and entertaining way. Thanks for listening~!
(All of this was copy and pasted from her comment)
Name: kirei Hoshimi
Firstly, why isn't her name capitalized? Also, a pronunciation in brackets could help people who don't know how to pronounce it. e.g.: Mirai Kimitsu (Mere-eye Key-Meet-sue)
Nickname: NoneAge: 23-26Gender: FemaleRace: JapaneseHeight: 5'2Eye color: amberHair color: dark brown
This is all pretty normal minus the age. It's a bit confusing. If you meant to place her in multiple timelines, please list the timelines.
Likes: star gazing, reading, archery, aggravating her older brother, bakingDislikes: seafood, arrogant people, people yelling, liars, snakes
'Aggravating her older brother'? Why and How? Also, putting arrogant people isn't very descriptive. What makes them arrogant in her eyes?
Base chakra type: fireMain jutsu type: taijutsu and ninjutsu
No, but what type does she use most often out of the three?
Kekkei Genkai: none
According to your later comment, this is not true. -.-
Summon animal: owlClan: Hoshimi
Like Hoshigakure? Lemme guess, she's involved with stars or something?
Status: aliveFriends: Anko, her teammates: Cho Tora and Iwao Fujimoto (other OC's of mine) and Kakashi
Why is Kakashi the character people always ship their ocs with..? Also, why Anko? After reading through the bio I found nothing about Anko.
Enemies: anyone who wants to cause harm to her or her village
So... The Akatsuki..? Orochimaru..? Obito..? I was asking for specifics. You can't make someone your enemy before you know them.
Best Friend: Cho ToraSensei: Akemi Amane (another OC of mine)
It would be nice if you included these people in her bio.
Ninja Rank: JouninCrush: Kakashi
Why?! Is this really necessary?
Weaknesses: water based jutsus, her family, her friends, her carelessness, her perfectionism, her recklessness
None of these are really weaknesses minus the water based jutsu and the carelessness. Perfectionism isn't a weakness unless it affects you on the battlefield. When making weaknesses, think about what they do for a living (She's a ninja) and what would affect her performance.
E.g: Dancer - Bad weaknesses: Can't sing, bad at talking to people, bad at being in relationships, she's not good at math
That's all fine and well, but none of it affects her dancing
E.g.: Dancer - Good weaknesses: Clumsy, Has stage fright, gets tired easily, forgets choreography easily
Birth Village: Hoshigakure
Current Village: Konohagakure
Where loyalty lies: with her family and village
Dream: to become a part of the ANBU
YOU ARE READING
Mary Sue Creator!
HumorHere I will be listing the many traits of fandoms that would be considered a Mary Sue! This book will include: Mary Sue Traits for multiple fandom Mary Sue traits for a fandom requested Examples of a Mary Sue for said fandom Mary Sue tests (Just sub...
