1. Call him Eddie, all the time
2. Give yourself a paper cut and make a point of showing him the blood, then put it in your mouth. Say, “Mmmm, Delicious! Want some?”
3. Say “you don’t look that scary”
4. Use vampire expression like “Holy Dracula”
5. Ask him to help you do something impossible (save the world, build an atomic clock, help you with your calculus etc). When he has trouble say “Never mind, I’m sure Jacob could help me”
6. Drive REALLY slow
7. Volunteer him for a blood drive
8. Hold up a bottle of ketchup and say, “Look!! BLOOOOOD OOOOOOOO”
9. Hang posters that say “I support Jacob Black” and “Jacob Black for President” All over his room
10. Throw him to the crazy fan girl hordes.
11. Tie Bella to some railroad tracks. When he gets mad, say, “Wow, a little overprotective, isn’t we? I’m sure Jacob wouldn’t have a problem with this.”
12. Say, “Hey, aren’t you that guy from Harry Potter?”
13. Tell him that Emmet is a cooler vampire than him.
14. Tell him that Jane has the coolest vampire power. Mention that it’s significantly better than mind reading.
15. Continually suggest that he’d be better off eating Bella, rather than dating her.
16. Mention that he isn’t a real vampire.
17. When flying on an airplane, say, “If this plane crashes on an island, we eat Bella first.”
18. Suggest that his life is too stressful. Recommend aromatherapy.
19. Leave bloody dead animals around him. Insist that you’re helping with the aromatherapy.
YOU ARE READING
Your Very Own Personal Guide On How To Annoy Edward Cullen.
HumorHave you ever stalked that creepy-looking guy from down the road and thought, "I wonder how long it takes for him to completely combust from the total brunt-of-my-annoyance / awesomeness of me?" Really? Yeah. Me neither. But there is always a first...
