82. When he plans his wedding, say, “You know, the leading cause of divorce is marrying too young.”
83. Suggest that the Cullen’s have more “family meetings.” Make a point not to invite Bella.
84. Tell Bella that her cooking skills will be wasted if she marries him.
85. Ask him if he’ll still love Bella once she’s a vampire and not clumsy anymore.
86. Give him your Divorce attorney’s card. Tell him it’s “Just in case.”
87. Diagnose him randomly. “Maybe you have sleep apnea.” “You look anemic. Have you been getting enough red meat?” “Maybe it’s a vitamin D deficiency.” Ask Carlisle to back your suggestions up.
88. Invite small children to his house for ‘scary story time’.
89. Paint his room. Pink.
90. Ask if you’re going to be in the wedding party. Repeatedly. And frequently.
91. Wonder what to get him for a wedding present. “A mattress topper? No, that won’t work. A blender? No, wait…oh! A trip to Hawaii. Oh, never mind…”
92. Wave wooden crosses and strings of garlic at him randomly. When he asks what you’re doing, say, “I know I read this somewhere.”
93. Mail him a llama. When he asks why, say, “Why not?
94. Tell him Bella has decided to marry Jacob. Watch all the confused shouting and biting that follows.
95. Tell him you saw Mike Newton romancing Bella on one of those days he went *camping*
96. Smear your blood all over his new car freshener. Blame it on Jacob
97. Show him the twilight trailer. Ask him if he's thinks that he looks like a pedophile or if it's just you.
98. For his birthday give him a $100 McDonalds gift card, and get offended when he tells you he doesn't eat food.
99. Ask him why he likes watching Bella sleep. Call him a pervert.
YOU ARE READING
Your Very Own Personal Guide On How To Annoy Edward Cullen.
MizahHave you ever stalked that creepy-looking guy from down the road and thought, "I wonder how long it takes for him to completely combust from the total brunt-of-my-annoyance / awesomeness of me?" Really? Yeah. Me neither. But there is always a first...
