Strange Benefits (James Potter)

nineteen

note: angst angst angst

Sunlight filters through the gap between the personalized blinds that Mrs. Lupin gave James as congratulations gift in summer when they found out about him being Head Boy, the Gryffindor colors glowing in his dimmed room. His whole body was cocooned in his wool blanket, and sleep was leaving his system but he refused to open his eyes. It wasn't the sun that woke him up, anyways. It was another flared, fiery red. A redhead, in fact.

Slowly he welcomed the brightness with his adjusting eyes, but his view was blocked by the pretty face of Lily Evans.

"Good morning, love," she grinned, wide awake, bright and freckled just like how he knew to love her before. She was every bit as gorgeous, smart and beautiful as James hoped she would be. And that made the situation worse.

He hummed involuntarily when the redhead pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, rubbing their noses together after. "How did you get—"

"Milla let me in," she answered before he even finished asking. He suddenly sat up straight, bumping their foreheads together in the process. "Ow!"

He apologized and scolded himself mentally, rubbing her forehead with his thumb carefully and biting his lip. He stopped when she started laughing. "What?"

"You're adorable," she patronized before sighing and taking his hand in hers. "James, I know we've only been going out for a few weeks, but I... I honestly think that I already love you."

He caught his breath. This was it; the moment he's been waiting for, the words he's always wanted to hear from Lily's lips since second year. This moment should be the last straw, the last factor to make all his confusions and doubts go away. This moment should be the best in his life, the one to make him forget all about the other girl just outside his door.

But her words only made him feel more conflicted and guilty.

"I feel like an idiot, really," she continued, chuckling. "I've let you pass me by all these years, not knowing that you'd be the person who will make me feel all the things I never knew I could. I'm sorry for making you wait this long, James. I love you."

He gripped her hands back, afraid to say anything, so he just did what he knew to do best. He kissed her. And if he closed his eyes that second, he was pretty sure he could imagine the locks of hair he threaded his fingers in were dirty blonde instead of red.

-

Milla stood frozen, feeling like a creep in all honesty. She gazed through the crack of the door, and she cursed herself silently for noticing it was ajar. Why was she doing this to herself?

"I love you," she heard Lily whisper, and she let a bitter smile form on her lips. When had she started liking Potter, anyway? He had always been a partner, a colleague, a good fuck. But now he's so much more.

When did James start becoming so much more? When she lost him?

Sighing, she retreated back to her room with no plans of going out and face everyone the whole day. She deserved space from all the loneliness she's been feeling lately, at least.

She missed not being alone.

If she thinks about it, everything started going south the minute her brother graduated and Cormac left her for popularity. And then it was flashes of hot nights and even hotter days with James, fleeting laughter with his friends, and for a minute she allowed herself to think that she was finally done being alone, but then that ended way too soon and way too fast. And now she was alone again.

Fighting back tears, Milla grabbed a piece of parchment and her quill, sat on her dresser and wrote to the one person who she knew would never leave. Her brother.

Dear Maxwell,

How's work doing for you? Did you finally save up enough to rent your own flat in London? If no, tell mum and dad I said hello. I miss you guys achingly. Don't go brooding so much about still living with your parents at 19 and don't give mum such a hard time, alright? Christmas break is soon and I expect a very warm welcome home from all three of you!

Max, to be completely honest, I am not doing so well myself. I have been the loneliest I've ever been. I am absolutely alone in this massive castle.

I've also caught myself in quite a compromising situation. I've been involved with a boy, and you know who he is so I won't go telling his name. It was fun, but he has a girlfriend now. I was pretty sure I didn't like him like that anyway, but now I find myself hurt whenever I see them. And Merlin, his girlfriend is a saint! I feel very bad, at the moment.

I wish you were still here with me, Max. I long for your company terribly. I've no one to eat with and study with anymore. If you think seven years is enough for me to make friends, well you underestimated your sister's anti-social-ness!

Kidding aside, I can't wait to get out of Hogwarts and back home. I don't know if I'm going to survive another boy drama. Cormac is still being a dick, by the way.

I love you, idiot. Tell me off in your next letter to get me back to my senses, won't you?

Write back soon.

Your favorite (and only) sister,
Milla

With a quiet sniff, she pushed all feelings of homesickness away and sealed her letter. Milla stood up to open her window near her bed and stroked her owl, Juniper while handing her letter. "Take this to Max, Juniper. Take this home,"

She watched her owl fly away, bracing the harsh winds. Her blue eyes followed its movement until Juniper went out of sight.

Milla hoped her pet would come back, soon. She couldn't deal with someone else—even an owl— leaving her. She just couldn't.

-

i tried not to update so soon but i cant lol. also, confession: i sorta kinda slightly shipped lily and james in the earlier part of this chapter oops ✌🏻👀

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