There's A Reason - A Larry Stylinson Love Story

Chapter 17 - Couldn't Hate You If I Tried

Louis and I had returned to our usual banter. We were constantly cracking jokes and making sarcastic romantic gestures, and we made sure that whenever we were out with the boys we were a bit closer than we used to be.

I still hadn’t had the courage to tell him I’d been feeling something different for him. As Liam had suggested, I’d been going to tell him I might have feelings for him. I wasn’t going to tell him I was in love with him though, because I was afraid it would put him into shock or scare him off and I couldn’t live knowing my Boobear was scared of me or hated me. It would just be impossible.

So here I was, taking the cowardly way out and secretly relishing the time we spend together. I get to hold his hand, intertwine our fingers, kiss his face and neck, give him love bites, and hug him close to me whenever I feel like it in public. He just assumes I’m playing it up for the cameras; he doesn’t know how badly I wish our public relationship could be what we really have, and he probably won’t ever find out.

I’ve also been avoiding being alone with Liam. He could tell something had changed. I caught him staring at me with an eyebrow raised multiple times, as if he was trying to solve a particularly difficult puzzle. I wasn’t ready to tell anyone that I was in love with Louis out loud yet, but I knew if I talked to him again he’d question me on what I’d done since our last talk and I’d end up spilling the beans. I also didn’t really want him trying to set Lou and me up or anything, because I was positive Louis didn’t feel the same way.

I knew I was torturing myself doing this. I was showing my true feelings only in front of the cameras, because I couldn’t force myself to tell my closest friends the truth. As soon as we got home, I would participate in whatever was happening but my mind would be somewhere else. I would be imagining what it could be like if Louis did like me.

We could come home and act the same way we did outside. I could cuddle up to him, stay by his side at all times, kiss him, or do anything else I wanted and nobody would find it strange. Nobody would reject me, or hate me, or be repulsed by my feelings.

I wished my life could just be simple and normal. A guy meets a girl, they date and fall in love and live happily ever after. But I just had to get the messed up life. Teen heartthrob is secretly in love with his secretly bisexual band mate and is too much of a chicken to admit it.

Realizing I’ve been in the shower thinking for quite a while, I turned off the water and reached for a towel. As I dried my body, I walked out into my room and collected articles of clothing that were clean enough to wear. Just as I slipped them on, I heard voices from downstairs and listened in.

“Louis? Is something wrong?” Niall asked. He must be down there with my Boo. Wait, something happened?

“Everything, Niall. Everything’s wrong. How could this happen? Why me?” It sounded as if he was breaking down, the way I had done when we first got the news we were ‘dating’ from management. Was he finally having the same reaction? I felt terrible, listening to his light sobs and broken voice.

I heard a sigh. “Come here, Lou. It’s all right to cry sometimes; just let it all out. There you go. Everything will turn out okay in the end, Louis, I promise. What’s that phrase again? Oh yeah, there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Shh, calm down. Whatever it is you can tell me, you know. I won’t tell anyone else. Whenever you’re ready you can let it out,” he murmured comforting words to an obviously violently sobbing Louis.

My heart clenched, listening to the one I love in so much emotional pain. What could possible have happened to him to get this reaction? Whoever had done this to him; I swore I would kill them for making my Boobear sad. I hated for him to cry; it just wasn’t Louis. Louis was happy and crazy and that’s how it always should be.