Don't Answer-WattPad Version

Chapter Nine: "I Feel Like I Can't Breathe"

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Trigger warning: in this chapter there is mention of suicide

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"Chris was loved and is watching over us," the funeral leader says with sorrow. My ears ring as I clutch onto Ethan's arm like a lifeline. I promised myself that I can't cry any more, I have to be strong for Chris and Macy.

I look over and see Macy quietly sniffling while staring blankly at the picture they had on a stand of Chris. He had a stiff black suit on in the picture, his hair slicked back matching his fake tight smile. I remember that was the day he came out to his family and they pass off it his sexuality as 'just a phase'. Chris nodded and weakly smiled, as he explained it to us, he ran to Macy's house and called me over. We had already known, but he was broken, he was so afraid and he was hurt.

I pull out my new phone, with shaking hands, I look through my pictures, most filled with pictures of Chris, Macy, and me. My parents bought me a new phone since I had thrown mine in the lake and the police took it as evidence. I send Macy a picture of Chris saying that this is the picture that should be up there. Macy's breathe stifles as she looks at the picture, she lets out a quiet laugh they releases a sob. The picture is right after a color run we went on and I had just thrown a pink bomb right in his face. The next picture was of me hugging him, realizing I had hit him right in the eye, as he splatted a bright blue bomb right on my head.

Macy sends me a quick text,

"I miss him so much, I feel like I can't breathe."-Macy

"Me too, I love you."-Emma

Macy looks past Ethan and to me and mouths 'I love you too'. I move past Ethan and plant myself next to Macy. I grab her shaking hand as we stare at the closed coffin. His body was too distorted from the water. His body bloated and his eyes white and glazed over.

His mom walks up to the front, a tissue glued to her mouth, "I only wish that we could have seen him get married and have a kid someday," she sniffles as her husband wraps an arm around her.

"He was brave, goofy, and our beautiful boy that was so strong," Chris' dad spoke tightly.

Everyone had left and Macy and I stand there paralyzed. I kneel down and place a rainbow flag on his coffin. My numb fingers tough the glassy oak, "Hey, what's it like," I chuckle, "Is it happy? Are you happy?" 

Macy kneels with me, "Knowing Chris, he's throwing the party of the century."

I've never given heaven and hell much thought, but now that Chris is gone I can't bear to think that he's just gone, there has to be something after. There has to be a heaven for Chris and a hell for his killer.

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I sit in my bed staring at the ceiling. I had to find this guy. He killed my best friend and I was not about to let that go. Everything he's put people through so far, he's given me a chance to save them, and I've only saved Will, who I didn't really know at that time. He's made me feel bad for knowing what was going to happen to them. I can't shake the feeling that I could've saved Chris.

I let my mind takeover until I receive a text,

"Cheer up my darling, he was only a burden. ~P"

How did he find my number? How dare he tell me to be happy for the death of one the greatest people I have ever known? I feel like screaming. My phone vibrates again and I don't even look at the text before blocking him. I violently shut the curtains.