Feel Me ( under construction )

*. Chapter 1 .*

I walked away from Quinn's room, gentle snores from my beautiful daughter the only sound in our eerily quiet home. I made my way to the living room and sat in Andy's favourite chair as the tears started to fall. Again.

It's been one year since Andy's car accident. An entire year since he left us. Left me. It should be our 7th wedding anniversary.

At the time I thought living without Andy would be the hardest thing I'd ever have to do but trying to explain to a then two-and-a-half-year-old that her Daddy is never coming home, never going to give her a cuddle again, never read her another bedtime story. My god, my heart broke all over again, and still aches every time I have to remind her when she asks after him, having to watch her big beautiful blue eyes lose their sparkle a little more each time.

It was definitely harder than waking up alone. Harder than Andy's funeral, surrounded by all our family and friends.

Though, thankfully, my brother had moved in with us for a while to help out with everything. Dean had been a great help while he was here, fielding all the phone calls, dealing with all the flowers, sympathy cards and meals that continuously arrived at the house. But he'd decided about a month or so ago that it was time got back to his own life. I couldn't blame him. He'd been living with us for about 10 months. And he needed room to breathe, away from his pain-in-the-ass-and-constantly-miserable little sister.

I settled myself in Andy's favourite chair. The only light in the room coming from a small lamp on the table beside me, a book open on its pages that I'd tried to continue reading from the night before, beside it.

Sometimes I'd sleep here and dream that Andy would come through the door after a late night at work, scolding me for being in his chair saying I'd "ruin his butt groove". I took out my phone to listen to the only saved voicemail I had;

Letty, babe, I'm running late but don't worry, I know how special tonight is. I'll be home as soon as I can okay. Love you. You better be naked when I get home, b-t-dubs. Hahaha.

Andy had been my whole world, until Quinn was born obviously. We'd met in high school, had floated around in the same group of friends for a while and began dating in year 12. We got married when we were 26 and moved a few months after the wedding to care for his aging grandmother, whose house we now lived in. Dean had moved a few towns over, maybe a half hour drive away, when Quinn was born, so that we'd have someone close by to help or babysit if we needed. He really is an amazing brother, despite the fact we were at each other's throats growing up.

I replayed the voicemail again, the faintest smile twitching at the corner of my mouth even as the tears flowed and I drifted off to sleep in Andy's chair yet again, the sweet sound of his laughter momentarily lifting my spirits.

~ ~ ~

"Quinny, come back into the kitchen sweetie. I'll get you some breakfast. Let Mummy sleep a bit longer, she's a bit tired." I felt a small, warm hand brush against my face as Quinn headed toward the kitchen.

"Okay Aunty Nikki, can I have some begemite toast please?" Quinn called out.

"Yes sweetie, I'll get you some Vegemite toast." Nikki chuckled back.

I started to wake as the enticing smell of toast and freshly brewed tea wafted into the living room. I sat up, tucking the footrest of the recliner back in and retrieved my phone that had slipped to the floor in my sleep. I slung the blanket Nikki had covered me with over the back of the chair and made my way to my new reality.

"Hey." I sleepily addressed Nikki as I walked into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from my eyes before stretching my arms above my head. Nikki turned from the kitchen bench to face me as I scooped up my little mousy blonde munchkin, lifting her into a big bear hug and helping her into her seat for breakfast.