I love you || ksj

6

Jungkook’s pov

I walked to the dorm and I hated the stares, those soul piercing stares that pull you apart from the inside out. Maybe I was imagining it, maybe I wasn’t. It was like some sort of walk of shame back home. I bet people were whispering about me. “why is he trying so hard to cover his face, is he an idol?” “why is he covered in milk and wearing all black?” “what a strange person that is” “I wonder what is going through his mind to think that it is socially acceptable to go around looking like that” Why does the world hate me? If it wasn’t for this mask they would be worshipping me not pointing fingers and laughing.

This situation just reminds me that I am alone and that everyday the wall around me Is getting higher and it’s suffocating. My heart can’t beat for anyone so, why should it beat at all?
I walked into the dorm and no one was home like usual. The other members were probably practicing dances or writing lyrics. I walked to the shower and turned the shower to the hottest it could go and let the steam fill up the room. I let the water hit me and leave red marks where it dripped down my skin. It stings and burns but nothing can compare to the pain of a lonely heart. I got the milk out of my hair and stepped out the shower. The mirror, which was steamed up, showed my puffy face and eyes. Had I been crying? I put on some sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt before stumbling around the dorm and collapsing onto the sofa where I stayed for the next hour or so.

(Y/n). Who are you? Why did you do that? Why are you... you? Thoughts that hurt my heart. They stung like the hot water on my skin. These lonely moments have just gotten lonelier now she is here. Like a broken record, my head kept replaying that meeting. Seconds, minutes, hours; they all passed in a flash and soon Yoongi, Namjoon and Taehyung had come back. Of course they didn’t care about my state, they just walked past and went to their rooms. No one cares about me, I’m just the maknae.

Soon after I went to bed. Unable to sleep, I tossed and turned. I wish I had someone next to me. I wish I had someone to keep warm. I wish I had someone to wake up next to. I wish I had someone to hug and kiss whenever I wanted. I wish I had someone to tell how my day was. I wish I had someone to make me smile. Is there someone out there like that? Is that person too perfect? It’s not like someone perfect will want a broken man like me anyway.

I didn’t sleep, I was awake thinking about how her hair shone in the sun and how her eyes glistened so brightly and how her lips were the perfect shape. In my eyes she was a galaxy but in her eyes I was probably just a single star. I put in my earphones and exited the room. Jin was there looking so happy and full of life. I wish I had someone to give me a purpose to live. I’m so sad that there is no escape. Trapped in my own head. Imprisoned by my own consciousness. Alone again.

I walked out the dorm and went to the lift. Pressing the button to the roof I stepped into the cold and wind. Grey clouds hovered above my head threatening to sob. Closer, closer and closer to the edge. My feet now half off the roof, I was one step away from everything. One step away from freedom, one step away from peace, one step away from silence, one step away from the end. So close yet so far away.

Before I could do anything someone pulled me from the edge of the roof. “WHAT THE HELL!?!?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!” Namjoon was freaking out. Can he never chill. It wasn’t like I was going to jump anyway, I think. “at least you're ok now but you have to talk to someone. I’m telling bang si hyuk surely he will pay for a therapist. I think you need one if you are doing this" I couldn’t go to see a therapist. I’m not crazy! I’m not helpless I can do it myself. “I don’t think a therapist is necessary, it isn’t like I’m crazy" Namjoon’s face seemed to soften. “Jungkook-" I’d had enough “No, I’m fed up with you thinking that I’m insane. I’m not going. You are supposed to be my friend so why are you telling me that I'm crazy.” I got up and left before he could say anything. Namjoon didn’t care about me he was probably just trying to keep his image.