Walking Backwards (Phillip Hamilton X Reader)

12 (Philip's Point of View)

My mother decided it would be a good idea to all go to the park as a 'family' but of course no father. So my mother, Angelica, James, John, Alexander Jr, and I all take a carriage to the park. On our way I see Delilah walking the opposite way with a basket and she looks gay. My heart sinks looking at her so happy.

I had to support my 8 month pregnant mother everywhere but I didn't mind. I set my mother on a blanket making sure she is okay before going with my younger siblings.

"Pip Pip! Can we play tag?" John the 5 year old begs, as he grabs at my brown overcoat tugging on it. I laugh and nod to him. He jumps around and dances a bit.

"Hamilton's! John wants to play tag who's in?" I call out. Instantly, Alexander Jr and James come running. Alexander Jr being 11 and James being 9.

I look for Angelica to see her sitting under a tree. She wore a frown and she drew in the dirt.

"Start the game with out me. I'll be right back," I tell the kids. They all whine and protest for me to stay with them but I walk off towards Angelica.

"Angie! What's wrong do you want to play tag?" I ask her. She looks up at me with tears in her eyes.

"Angie," I ask sitting down next to her. She sniffles and wipes her nose not saying anything.

"Angie what's wrong?" I ask her.

"I-I just don't get-get you?" She says through sobs.

"What do you mean Angie?" I laugh softly.

"You have all these girls who are begging for you yet you pay no attention to them and then you get a great girl like Delilah and just throw her away!" She cries. I blink a few times letting her words sit with me.

"I-I don't even have guys look my way!" She exclaims.

"Of course you do! You just don't notice them," I tell her.

"False! By thirteen you had like three girls! I have no one. No guys talk to me or anything. Girls just try to get close with me to get to you. I'm just used and shadowed by you," She rants.

"Oh Angie, don't focus on that stuff it really doesn't matter. I wish I hadn't gotten so invested in girls it's like addicting. I don't know if I will ever settle. I can't control my urges and my big head has gotten me into so much trouble. This may sound rude but I'm glad guys don't crowd you. If they did they will just use you for your body and it's an empty feeling," I tell her, "it was hard with Delilah because she didn't want to have sex and I respect that but like I said I'm addicted and I would find myself in bad situations because I couldn't handle. I don't know if Delilah and I would work I will just ruin her."

"Oh Philip, come on your like is like perfect!" She rolls her eyes.

"No its not Angie! I am damaged almost as damaged as dad," I admit.

"No one is as damaged as dad. Let's not get ahead of ourselves," She jokes. I laugh knowing it was true.

"Talking about dad the other day I was in his office," She cuts me off.

"You were in his office!" She asks.

"Yeah but don't tell anyone he'll kill me," I say. She nods and zips her mouth shut. I laugh and continue on.

"Well, I found some shit in this box. It was all these letters written years ago like right when I was born from some guy addressed to dad. His name was John Laurens and let's just say it was some very sexual writing," I tell her.