My Thoughts

Inside

Thinking, pondering, contemplating-

the three verbs that involve the mind.

We just rush ourselves and make it harder,

Making what we are looking for more difficult to find.

Why do we stress ourselves,

Over something that is usually trivial?

A thought so small, that has our brain running a mile,

Leaving everything else that needs to be done,

All gathered up and thrown into a huge pile?

I find myself frustratring, stressing, going crazy;

Just rethinking and depressing myself over something so insignificant.

Instead of just dealing with it,

I just want to sit and be lazy.

It's so stupid,

So dumb,

So illogical-

and I know it too-I know it from the back of my head,

But I am just too stubborn,

My jaw is too set,

I can't go back,

I just want to forget what was said.

I wish I had changed my words,

My thoughts are trailing,

I think I have said a lot already,

I didn't mean for it to become personal,

I just wanted to, i just felt like I was failing...

Like there was no way back,

that I couldn't just turn around and change what I had told Jack.

Why I couldn't just tell Jack what I really wanted to tell him...

Why couldn't I stand and speak up,

Just yell and shout,

Just run around,

Just dive into the deep end?

Because.

Because if I did,

I'd never had been able to resurface,

and that would have been terrifying.

I would need to start lying,

The thought of it,

just writing this;

it's horrifying.