Everything I'm Too Afraid To Say Out loud

darkness

I pretend like it's not there,

The aching in my heart,

Maybe it'll go away eventually,

It's been here from the start.

I have to ignore it,

Or else the pain will be too much,

It's the only way,

using ignorance like a crutch.

No one knows I feel like this,

I just keep it all inside,

Inside my heart, where all my greatest demons hide.

If someone was to cut me open,

And peel back my insides,

They'd realize just how rotten,

And see where my soul died.

I acted like it was a joke, saying I didn't have a soul, but when you say things so often they often become the truth, in whole.

It's hard for me to say, something difficult to say out loud,

trust me I know, it's not something that makes me proud.

I'm doing it anyway, I just want to change,

it's becoming too much, it's becoming an outrage.

I'm trying, I am, but the darkness is filling me,
making it just too hard for me to see.

I can't see where I'm going, what I'm doing, or who I am. The darkness just taking my body, feeling foreign in this land.

It hurts so bad, I claw at my skin, knowing the true problems on the inside, before I even begin.

How easily it surrounds me, blackening in its wake, not caring what damage is done just wanting to take, take, take.