So Many Agoes

Chapter 19

April 1970

      Finals came hurdling towards us with lightning speed. Once Emilienne was able to talk some sense into me, we were on a great track. We were excited to be showing the world our talent; Emilienne at her internship and me finally being able to go forth despite fear.

     The Friday before finals were to start, Emilienne and I were cuddled up on the sofa in my dorm's common space. She had been feeling under the weather and would rather order takeout than actually leave the building.

     We had spent the evening reflecting on the school year, extremely happy that we made it out on the other side. I have never stopped expressing my gratitude to Emilienne for taking the reins in our relationship when I was too stupid to realize what I'd be losing if one of us didn't.

     Our control in our relationship at that point had been extremely equal because I realized that not only was our relationship not one sided, but she was equal to me and deserved to feel as such.

     My roommate, along with the takeout arrived and Emilienne sprung from her place in my arms to devour the steaming food. We all separated our meals and while the delicious scent drew my other roommates from their bedrooms, it made Emilienne sway. I wrapped an arm around her waist and looked at her with concern

"The smell is too much"

     Before I could say anything she was racing towards the bathroom. My roommates and I looked at each other with pure shock. I followed her quickly and held her hair back while she gripped the toilet so tightly that her usually soft knuckles looked dry and cracked.

     I helped Emilienne up and let her swish her mouth with my mouthwash. I lead her into my bedroom to let her lay down, there was no way she was walking home in such a condition.

"Are you okay?"

"No, everything is spinning"

    Her forearm rested on her forehead to protect her eyes from the light. I wrapped her up in a blanket and immediately ran for the phone to make a doctor's appointment. I sat next to her and stroked her cheeks, I had never seen her like that. She was always so able bodied and alive, but then she looked removed from the world and tired. I was terrified.

     I opted to sleep on the couch that night, I didn't want to hurt Emilienne in her sleep. I was so scared I would cause her pain in some way. However, despite my efforts, Emilienne was not safe from sickness.

     I was woken up Saturday morning to Emilienne once again racing past me towards the bathroom. In my sleepy stupor, I stumbled after her and once again held her hair back. She was in a cold sweat and shaking all over. When she was done, we returned to the couch. I convinced her to go to hospital, though it didn't take much effort.

     Emilienne insisted on walking, even though she looked like she could've keeled over any second. Beyond arrival and checking in, I do not know much about Emilienne's visit and she says to this day she only remembers throwing up on the doctor's shoes after smelling his strong cologne.

     I sat in the waiting room for nearly four hours. I refused to leave. The clock on the wall behind me ticked in an irritating way, the room was freezing, and while that may have just been my anxious demeanor, I had goosebumps on every part of my body nonetheless.

     Finally, Emilienne emerged from the heavy wooden doors leading to the patient areas. In the most respectful way, she looked terrible. She looked like she had been crying, irises red and cheeks slightly puffy. I leapt out of my seat and ran towards her. However she didn't let me touch her. She only said, through a watery, choked up voice,