So Many Agoes

Chapter 20

Late May 1970

Emilienne and I somehow managed through the terrifying news, and her terrible symptoms. As the time to return to Milcreek drew closer the knot of dread got bigger and bigger in our stomachs. However, before we knew it we were packed and watching the New York skyline slowly disappear in the fog behind us.

A long and boring drive followed, causing the panic to set even deeper. The mountains that my car wound around were an unsettling reminder of the twisted knot in my stomach.

The silence between us was deafening as I maneuvered through the country roads and small towns; the only reminder that we were not dreaming being the mutter and protest of my sweet car that was absolutely not built for mountains. Emilienne gripped my right hand while I drove with my left and neither one of us dared to breathe.

Despite our fear however, we both ran into our family's arms and embraced them tightly. Thomas made a surprise visit as well and I couldn't help but cry seeing that he was in good health.

There's something beautiful about running into the arms of a loved one. It doesn't matter who that person is. Their embrace feels so beautiful and warm, and relaxing. It's like taking a deep breath after trying to hold my breath under water for too long. .

As we were led into my parent's house, Emilienne and I shared a brief but terrified look before taking deep breaths and big steps inside.

Both sets of parents headed towards the dining room, as it was already four thirty in the evening but Emilienne and I lingered in the living room. Her mouth opened and she spoke for the both of us, not without hesitation however.

"Hold on, can we sit in here and talk first? We have something to tell you"

Curious glances were exchanged while everyone backtracked and took their seats in the living room. Emilienne and I sat closer together than what would've been considered 'acceptable' by our parents but we felt boxed in, as if staying close together would keep us safe. The tension was thick, I was convince that everyone in the room could hear my heart slamming painfully against my ribs.

I remember hearing Emilienne's breath hitch in her throat uncomfortably before she shakily spoke once again,

"I-I'm, um, I'm pregnant"

The sentence was breathy and the stress syllables were in all the wrong places but I assume she did so much better than I ever would have.

There was a beat of silence before words slowly started to form in the mouths of our families. My mother raised her hand to her forehead in a facepalm. Emilienne's mother, who always had the calmest demeanor, spoke first in her beautiful silky voice,

"Do you know what you are going to do?"

Emilienne managed to choke out

"We want to raise it, but we were going to ask for your help. Right now we both live in dorms and that's no place to raise a child, let alone the fact that we'd have to live separately."

"You want to live together? But you're not married!"

That was the first thing my mother had said since we broke the news. Goosebumps curled my fingers and toes, and made my skin crawl. I felt like a young child who had just done something disobedient.

Emilienne's father questioned, "Should they get married? They are extremely young"

I managed to cut off my own father before he could suggest anything else,

"We talked about it and we're not ready for that. We don't have the money and we'd like to have a proper wedding instead of just signing marriages licences at the court house. We know it's different, but there are many couples in New York in the same situation as us."

A collective sigh swept over the adults in the room, Thomas just shook his head but looked as though he was holding back laughter. Emilienne's father spoke up next,

"Alright, how can we help?"

"Well, we don't want to quit school because we're doing so well and have worked so hard to get here, but we can't afford living in the city all on our own, we were hoping to have help with rent for an apartment? We'll pay you back as soon as we're out of college."

Our parents exchanged looks that made us feel young and irresponsible; the kind of look that makes the hair on the nape of your neck stand up and shivers run down your spine like spiders, the kind of look that lets you know you are at the mercy of others and you feel smaller than a flea.

My mother spoke first that time, slowly, and cautiously as if to not step on the toes of the other adults in the room,

"Well, I suppose the world is changing drastically and unmarried couples live together now. As long as you both want it, are both happy, and take care of your responsibilities we will pay half your rent."

I felt Emilienne's body relax at the sound of support as the rest of the adults agreed with that plan. Emilienne's mother stood up and pulled her into a tight hug. The rest of our parents followed suit, letting us know that we were not alone. Thomas pulled me into hug, but not after punching my arm as hard as he could for being stupid, a sharp laugh finally escaped him.

We all filed into the dining room, where my parents had made an incredible meal. I had been spoiled by all of the quick and new foods that New York has to offer, but there's nothing like a meal that was made from love.

Despite the terrifying future that held unimaginable amounts of uncertainty, we did know one thing, that we would do it together and take it day by day.