Bully|tk

9| i didn't own a teddy bear

Taehyung—

I woke up feeling immensely comfortable. A gentle warmth embraced me, as I snuggled closer to the source. My cheek was pressed to something soft yet hard, and my arms were wrapped around a giant teddy bear. Something warm was holding me loosely around the waist, and my legs felt heavy and weighed down.

My eyes flashed open, immediately. I don't own a teddy bear.

I propped myself up with my hands, to realize that my face was pressing against Jungkook's chest. Our legs were entangled together and his heavy arms were draped around my hips. "What the fuck?" I whisper-shouted, eyes wide. "How the hell did we end up like this?" Somehow, we'd managed to fall asleep on my couch, mugs of hot chocolate sat cold on my coffee table. Suddenly, I was yanked back down, and collided with Jungkook's chest, again. My hair was slightly brushing against his lips, making him frown slightly.

Part of me wanted to get as far away from the younger, as possible, yet the other half wanted to stay cuddled like this all day. He was just too comforting for someone as broken as me. It's ironic to say that the person who hurt me is the one that I want to be held by.

A small whimper passed the black-haired boy's lips, and he clutched onto me tighter. I furrowed my eyebrows, at the sudden change in attitude. "I-I'm s-sorry," he cried, eyes squeezed shut, and tears streaming down his cheeks. "I'm sorry!"

I brought my hand up to wipe away his tears. "What are you sorry for, Jungkook?" I murmured, softly. He continued to mumble gibberish, before taking in a shuddering breath, and falling silent again. I frowned, "sleep-talking?" The younger was shivering, uncontrollably, teeth chattering. My heart seemed to be tearing into tiny little pieces, as his breathing began to speed up.

"I'm so sorry," he muttered, still asleep.

Finally, having enough, I smacked his cheek; not harshly, so it would hurt him, but not lightly, so he wouldn't be able to wake up either. His eyes flickered open, and a hazy gaze settled on my face. He stared at me, for a moment, confusion settled in his expression. Suddenly, he retracted his arms from around my waist, and propped himself up on his elbows.

"T-Taehyung?" He stuttered. "H-how? What happened?" I snorted, and sat back on my haunches, free of his iron grip. "You tell me. I woke up to find us all cuddled up, and when I try to get off the couch, you yank me back down into your clutches. Do I look like a stuffed animal to you?"

Jungkook rubbed the back of his neck, ears tinging pink, letting a small smirk crawl up on my lips. "Was I that soft and cuddly?" I teased. This time, his cheeks lit up, to match his red ears. "I don't know," he muttered. "I was asleep. I don't know how to control my body when I'm all knocked out."

I chuckled, softly, before reaching forward, to pull him into my embrace. His body stiffened, and he looked up, at me. "Hyung? Are you okay?" I stroked his hair, gently, tugging at the tangles. "I don't know if I'm alright, but I know you're definitely not." He frowned, "what?"

Sighing, I lowered my face, so that we stared at each other eye-to-eye. "Jungkook, you were crying and yelling in your sleep. You kept saying 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.' At some point your breathing began getting erratic, so I had to smack you to wake you up." His eyes widened, before he averted them. "I'm so—"

"If you're going to say sorry, shove it," I interrupted him. "You're sorry for me, right? You're sorry that you messed me up, right? Yeah, well, I already forgave your dumbass, so stop saying sorry." He mumbled something incoherent, making me click my tongue. "What was that? Didn't catch it." The younger shook his head, "nothing, hyung. Absolutely nothing."

I raised my eyebrow at this, but didn't question it. "Fine, that's fine." I got up, and padded to the kitchen, not forgetting to pick up the mugs. I dumped the cold liquid into the sink, and placed the mugs inside the basin. I grabbed two bowls of ramen noodles, and pulled out a pot from inside a cabinet. I went ahead, to prepare breakfast, while I heard Jungkook shuffled around from behind me. I turned around to see what he was doing. The younger was pulling on a green sweater over his wrinkled uniform shirt. I remembered him yanking it off the other night, claiming that it was too hot.

I smiled at the memory. After his confession and after I forgave him, we caught up with each other, whilst drinking hot chocolate. I suppose at some point we got tired and fell asleep on each other. I turned around, feeling my cheeks heat up. Sure, in my sleep-glazed thoughts, I enjoyed the feeling of being wrapped up in Jungkook's arms. It was a nice feeling to be held. It was nice to feel protected in a way. I blinked at the thought. Was I going crazy? Jungkook's the one who needs protecting, not me! Why would I need protecting? I could beat up anyone in my way; where in the world did needing to be "protected" come from?

Scoffing, slightly, I brought the finished bowls out to the living room. I handed Jungkook a pair of chopsticks and his ramen. "Thanks Taehyung," he murmured. I nodded, and sat down beside him.

Quietly, we ate our noodles, not knowing what to say to each other. The silence was kind of awkward, but neither one of us tried to change it. I suppose that it was easier to not talk, and that we were both tired. I ate, thinking to myself.

I needed to bring Jungkook to a therapist. There was no doubt in my mind that he needs it. He can't just keep living on with the guilt of hurting me when I've already forgiven him. That's right...I've already forgiven him. Was this all an act? No...I don't think so. There's no way that he could make it seem so real. So heartbreaking. Unless, he really is a good actor. Not even good, but a great actor.

I like to think that I can differentiate what was a lie and was the truth in a matter of seconds. Nothing from what I've seen from Jungkook so far looked like a lie. No. He was hurting.

And I will be the one who will heal him.

Somehow.

—

Jungkook—

I know something is wrong with me. Taehyung has already forgiven me, and yet here I was still suffering. Was it really the guilt of hurting him that's causing me to act like this, or was it something else? Why can't I get better? What's wrong with me?

Tears threatened to fall from my eyes, but I blinked them back, and leaned my head to drink the broth of the ramen, attempting to hide the fact that I was about to cry. Again.

I didn't want Taehyung to think that I'm weaker than I already was. I didn't want him to look at me as someone who needed pitying. I've lived with this anxiety for the past year without having anybody worry for me. I've already fucked up when I showed too much to Taehyung, and now...look at where I am, now.

Eating ramen noodles with the boy I hurt and changed, in his apartment, whilst trying to blink tears back.

I needed to heal.

For Taehyung. I don't know why I wanted to heal for him, but it gave me a surge of confidence. I can do it. I have to do it. For Taehyung, I will do it.

Somehow.

—

I've finally finished with Mine All Mine, so now I'll be able to focus more on Bully ;)

-Author-nim