Bully|tk

29| why?

Jungkook—

The day passed by in a slow, painful blur. Taehyung never showed up for the rest of school, making my mind run off into places where I didn't want to be. I fretted with my fingers, as I boarded the stupid luxurious car, staying as far away from Ju Hyun as possible. It was her fault why Taehyung ran off and probably thinks that I've been playing around with or cheating on him.

I clenched my teeth, and stared out of the window, as the car pulled away from the school. I just wanted to lock myself up in a room and scream. No. I wanted to find Taehyung and explain everything to him. I need Taehyung. He's the only thing that's keeping me sane. The only thing keeping me away from dark thoughts and desires. I want him back. I need him back. My Taehyung.

Once we were back at home, I stepped out of the car, feet dragging. It was like someone strapped the whole world around my ankles and told me to walk. I trudged inside and headed down to my room without a word. Slamming the door shut, I slung off my backpack and flopped onto the bed. My hands reached out blindly to grab a pillow and brought it to my face. Squeezing my eyes shut, I screamed into the pillow, venting out all of the pent up frustration in my chest. Thankfully none of the guards decided to come into my room. Maybe it was because they were too busy barring my windows. Maybe.

"Why? Why?" I shouted, voice muffled. Wearily, I sat back up and reached for my phone to try and call Taehyung. "Pick up, pick up, pick up," I pleaded, on my fifth try. I furrowed my eyebrows when it directed to voice mail once again. I listened to his voice message, feeling my heart drop to the floor and shatter. The beep startled me out of my thoughts, making me almost drop the phone. "Taehyung please just hear me out. Call me back," I spoke into the device, voice strained. I wanted Taehyung back.

I chucked my phone across the bed, having it land at the bottom, near the edge. I'd already sent about a hundred texts to Taehyung and he didn't even read them. The fact hurt me to the core. He must be so upset with me to not even read my messages. I'd feel slightly better if he at least acknowledged that I was trying, but it's obvious that he won't even look at his phone.

Flopping on my back, I stared at my bedroom ceiling, without really seeing it. "What am I going to do?" I mumbled, the feeling of exhaustion creeping into my system. Without Taehyung I have nothing of value. Money can't compare to the silver-haired elder. Fame doesn't come close. Hell, even if someone offered me all the riches in the world, the sky, the universe, I'd give it all up for Kim Taehyung.

I smiled at the sentimental thought. Isn't it ironic? To love someone that you used to despise? If you told the Jungkook of two years ago that he was going to fall hard for the sweet, clingy boy he would've laughed in your face and bad-mouthed the bubbly male. If you told me two years ago that I wouldn't be able to live without Taehyung I'd scoff and walk away. But then again, if you told the Jungkook of two years ago that he was going to America and develop a guilt disorder on a certain sparkly-eyed elder he would've brushed it off without a single glance back.

Here I am now. Atoning for my sins against that once sweet, energetic, adorable, clingy boy. Now he's harsh and wouldn't hesitate to send a fist your way if you crossed him. Even so, I managed to break down his walls, and he's managing to smile more. He stopped causing fights and picking on kids. He's actually cute in a weird tsundere kind of way. But, I also believe that I deserve this punishment. The feeling of rejection and loneliness from the person you love. I deserve it for everything I've put him through. I wouldn't even be surprised if he decided to break up with me.

Panic shot through my body, as I flung up into a sitting position.

He wouldn't break up with me, would he? No, no, no, no, no! I need him! No! I can't be selfish, he can do whatever he wants. I deserve it anyway. BUT I NEED HIM!

My hands gripped the sides of my head, as I hyperventilated. My reasoning fought with my desire, screaming silently. I rocked back and forth on the bed, trying to breathe normally. God, just breathe dammit!

I choked on a small sob, feeling self-pity rise in my chest, only to slap myself. My face stung with the contact, but it shocked some sense into me. I need to think rationally. I've been doing so well with avoiding my panic attacks. I've been doing so well with...everything. Until "everything" just fell apart at my feet today. I'm so pathetic. I sat limply on my duvets, arms hanging like my puppet strings have just been cut.

There was a knock on my door, but I was too tired to answer. I didn't even bother to look up, I just continued to stare blankly at the foot of my bed. I heard the door creak open, but still didn't bother to lift my head. I felt my bed dip, when someone sat down next to me. I wave of flowery perfume hit my nose. It wasn't my mother, her perfume was usually sharp and heady, just like she is. Fingers raised my chin and tilted my head up, for me to discover that Ju Hyun had entered my room.

A surge of renowned anger flared in my chest. I scowled, and smacked her hand away from my face. "I didn't give you permission to come in here," I stated, icily. She lifted one shoulder, "you didn't really respond to my knock." I narrowed my eyes, in distaste, "usually when someone doesn't answer you, it means that they don't want to see you." She sighed, and shook her head, "just give me a few minutes to explain to you why I've been so awful and why I've agreed to marry you."

Curiosity killed the cat.

But the cat had eight lives left and lived the next day.

Well, so what? I might as well let her put in her two cents. I nodded at my open door. "Go close it and then you can talk." A small smile curled on her lips, and she stood up to shut the door. "If you're going to try something funny, I won't hesitate to murder you and throw your body into the Han River," I warned, as she went to sit down on my bed again. Ju Hyun gave me an endearing look, but shook her head. "I don't want to try anything anymore," she responded, quietly.

Raising an eyebrow, I waved for her to go on. "Well? Talk."

I just want Taehyung not this bullshit.

—

We're getting somewhere ;)

-Author-nim