//chapter one\\

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"It's like we never happened, was it just a lie.

If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

Cause I'm not fine at all."
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"can't you just erase the marks he left on my heart? why can't my heart just be a fucking whiteboard?" Sam asked Blaire. Blaire shook her head. "is this what love is like? if it is, love is shitty," Sammy said bitterly. who is Blaire, you ask? Blaire is Sam's best friend, along with a boy named Kai, they are her only friends. She used to have Hayes...but he left.

"Sammy, love is kind," Blaire said. Sammy shook her head. "love is patient, love is kind," she continued. "i think the reason you still love him is because love is patient."

"love is stupid, and love is shitty. I don't still love him because love is patient, Blaire. I love him because of what he made me become, I love him because he made me feel without alcohol or drugs, I love him because he made me feel as if I were the only girl in this world, I love him because he was Hayes. Blaire, Hayes was the most important thing in my life and he just up and left, he said that he doesn't want anymore contact with me, I don't even know what I did. what did I do to him? I became what he wanted, he obviously wanted me to stop drinking and partying, so I did. he wanted me to tell him my secrets, so I did. he wanted me to wait for him, so of course, I did, but once he came back after a few 'family trips', he told me things weren't working out, he didn't even give me a warning. he just left, just like everyone else. everyone leaves, Blaire. everyone important leaves me. I don't mean to sound like a selfish bitch, I really truly don't. I just want to wake up with amnesia and forget about the stupid little things," Sam sighed, clutching her pillow. Hayes and Sam had been broken up for two days and twenty-one minutes. I know it's creepy that she knows how long they've been broken up for, exactly down to the minute, but how is he okay? Sam thought what they had was real? she didn't even know why he even bothered with her if his plan was to just leave...(a/n: 5sos lyrics in thur catch my drift?)

"hey SammyBear, how you holding up, boo?" Kai asked, from the door. "I come bearing gifts! I brought your favourite ice cream, a bunch of chick-flicks, and and and, I brought pizza and popcorn! your two favourite junk foods, well three favourite junk foods," he said, walking in the room all the way, he handed Sam her Ben & Jerry's Red Velvet Cake ice cream. and he said he would be right back, he was getting a phone call or something. Sam wasn't exactly giving him all her attention, he brought over The NoteBook and Safe Heaven and My Sister's Keeper and Cyberbully, Sam's 99% sure his sister helped him pick these movies, because usually Kai sucks at picking movies. and before you go assuming things, no he's not gay, he just doesn't get on with any of the guys at school because they're all douche bags, so he hangs out with Blaire and Sammy. "NO. YOU'RE JUST A DOUCHE WHO HURT MY BEST FRIEND! DO YOU EVEN REALIZE WHAT THE FUCK YOU'VE DONE TO HER? HUH, DO YOU? NO, HAYES, FORGET ABOUT IT!" Kai's voice boomed. Sammy's heart stopped beating, her breath hitched in her throat, and her eyes welled up with tears. why is she crying? is it because she heard his name, or because he had the audacity to call her best friend?

minutes later, a very pissed off Kai came walking back into the room. his face softened once he saw Sammy's face. "Sammy I'm sorry, I really am. Hayes doesn't deserve your tears, beautiful," he said, wiping her tears away with his thumb, Blaire went to make the popcorn.

"but he does, Kai. he deserves the world, he deserves to be happy, and I was clearly not making him happy or reaching his standards. I guess I knew deep down inside that if I didn't put out sometime in the relationship we had, he was gonna leave either way; even if he said he would wait," Sam said, sighing, and cuddling closer into Kai's side. you see, Sam was in on the whole partying seen and whatnot, but she was still a virgin. she's not one of those girls that will put out easily; obviously. Kai shook his head.

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