Just Another Deal...

Going under

How long has it been since I've felt...? Felt regret, felt sadness, felt loneliness? All these emotions new and bizarre course through my mind and wage war on my conscience. Its been only a few years and how is it that I feel these weak and insipid things. I feel so trapped and can feel my madness like it's some new entity. Is this madness? Am I crazy? It feels like a fog has dissipated and I'm now walking on the path again. Bill...William...Bill... Who am I now? What name belongs to me? As I sit in my daily musings that seem to never stop.

All I have left to me these days are my thoughts, as they course through my mind. They squirm around in my head and echo repeatedly. Thoughts with no action, no voice to let them free. No one to hear all alone and left in the dark, desperately seeking out some form of interaction. Trying so hard to keep it all toegether, this eternal struggling deep within a desolate void. The solitude of it all, becomes an eternal and waking nightmare from which there seems no hope.

I sense it...someone...who is it? I wanna shout and yell to let me out, I wanna cry and hold on to that warmth they exude, its been so long since I felt pain, felt touch. I can feel the warmth as it stops and I reach for it a small part of me reaches and holds onto them, their very soul as they begin to pull away. Now I don't want to go back to being alone a small part of me stays with them, this fragile and weak connection.

Links a little of our minds, the further he runs away the less I can feel the warmth. I'm not sure how long that has passed but soon a the weak feeling I have grows just a little bit. Like a starving man at the sight if food I grab hold and yet I know I'm still to weak to do much.

So slowly I call and little by little I leave a tiny more of me, their strength is my strength. Each night I visit them and they slowly start accepting me. Its nice how they ease into my arms. As the nights pass and I grow stronger and bolder, I begin talking. Telling them stuff they'll surely forget. A simple call their very being to the darkness that haunts my waking being. With them here the dark doesn't feel so suffocating, and each day gets a little more bearable.

Soon I'll have the strength to leave soon my little precious light will free me I feel them each night coming as I call. I feel senses return I'm tired of this eternal voided hell that holds me. I want to be free now and I don't know how long I can stay sane here. As the I fell the pressure of the black around me begin to suffocate me.

I feel panic take over as the darkness turns menacing, oppressive imagining the briefest of touches to my throat. A ghost of hands attempting to choke me where I am. I'm taunted with vile images and hateful words. All the vile and despicable actions of past, shoved back into at me. All I can do is curl into myself and hope night comes sooner only when I'm by them do I get a brief reprieve form the onslaught of it all.

So here it is , it's not long and I tried but I couldn't get into the feel of it all I hope it helps. I'm hope people can guess who it is.
P.s A knew kpop obsession I have is A.C.E 😍😍😍 check them out there so good and their music videos are so colurful and beautifully done.