Perspective

18, I Just Don't Know What I Want

The next day in English, I sat with Ella in the front of class. I was trying to get as much distance between Liz and Keith as possible.

"Morning," Ella greeted, opening her folder to look through her papers. She looked adorable. Her short, curly blonde hair tied into a pony tail and she was wearing make-up. There was a thin line of black eye liner under her sky blue eyes and mascara was coated on her long eye lashes. She wore a bigger sized mustard colored sweater with black leggings and tall brown boots.

"Hey Ella." I said.

"So, did you accept a date with Joey yet?" She questioned me. I shook my head.

"No. I don't want to go out with him." I answered.

"Really?" She asked skeptically.

"Yes, really. Why is that so hard to believe?" I laughed.

"I saw the way he looked at you yesterday." She told me.

"Well, I'm not dating right now." I said. "If you're so concerned, maybe you should go out with him." She snapped her head up to me, her eyes wide with shock.

"What? That's- that's crazy. I would never-" She stuttered.

"Someone sounds a little too defensive way too quick," I teased, pushing her arm. She giggled and pushed me away.

"Shut up, Charly."

"You like Joey, don't you?" I said.

"Of course not." She muttered. "I don't even know him. And I have much more important things on my mind right now."

"Okay." I said quietly with a playful smile. She shook her head disapprovingly and looked back down at her work. Progress with Ella made. 

"Alright class. Let's get started." Mr. Collins started. "I assumed you all read the assigned parts from As You Like It. And we're almost done with the book so that means we're going to have our test on the book next week." Groans filled the class room. "Oh, get a grip. The good news is, we're going to be starting Macbeth next week. You know, I think that's one of my favorite Shakespeare plays. 'Who can be wise, temp'rate and furious, loyal and neutral in a moment? No man. Th' expedition of my violent love ourtun the pauser, reason. Here lay Duncan, his silver skin laced with his golden blood, And his gashed stabs looked like a breach in nature. For ruins wasteful entrance; there the murderers steeped in the colors of their trade, their daggers unmannerly breeched with gore. Who could refrain, that had a heart to love? And in that heart, courage to make love known?" 

He recited Shakespeare so perfectly, not a word wrong. His eyes were filled with such passion as he recited Shakespeare. He was so involved. As the words tumbled out of his beautiful lips, it was then that I decided that I wanted to kiss them. I wanted to kiss Derek Collins and it sounded so wrong as I thought about it in my mind after he was done reciting. There were some scoffs throughout the room and Ella didn't seem surprised.

"I wonder how many times he's read Macbeth." She whispered to me. I briefly laughed but I couldn't tear my eyes away from him to glance at her. In his black button up collared shirt with a yellow tie and his usual khaki pants with a dark brown belt and his dark chocolate hair combed to the side neatly and his kind smiling eyes like the sea that I was lost in, it was like he was the only person in class to me. It felt as if I had fell under some kind of spell and it was an urge to kiss him like some kind of animal with no control. But I knew that could never happen. It couldn't happen. I was his student and nothing more.

"Do you just memorize Shakespeare in your free time?" A guy from class suddenly asked, my thoughts broken.

"Oh yeah, all the time." Mr. Collins joked.