Jennie Kim.
She is my bestfriend.
She's my first friend.
She's always there when I needed someone to lean on.
She's the one who always encourage me when I am nervous to go in front of the class to report.
She cares for me more than how my parents do.
Everytime I needed help, she's always willing to help me even if she is busy.
I love her.
I really do.
But unfortunately, not only as a best friend.
Yes, I am bi. But she doesn't know that.
The only secrets Jennie doesn't know are, me being bi and me loving her more as a friend.
It hurts everytime she talks about the guy she likes.
Just tell her that you love her. My mind would always say.
She's straight.
I'd rather keep my love for her as a secret instead of ruining our friendship.
Every midnight, she always calls me. Telling me everything that happened each day.
Everytime she tells me about this guy, I'd always hold my tears and tell her good things. And when she hangs up, I'd cry on my pillow until I sleep.
One day, he confessed to Jennie that he likes her.
Of course, Jennie was so happy while she was telling me. And there I was, holding my tears while telling her, 'that's a good thing. He finally likes you. I'm so happy for you.' Even if it hurts me so bad.
He started courting her the next day.
A few months passed, each day daggers stab my heart while seeing them so happy together.
She said yes.
I was just there in the side, watching as she said the most painful word.
I left immediately since I couldn't hold my tears any longer.
She called me and I just told her that my tummy hurts, that she doesn't have to worry for me.
Each day passed, they're always together, as if they can't breathe if they're not together, and here I am, always hurting.
I was glad that she still haven't forget about me.
She sometimes made me a third wheeler.
I always decline since I don't wanna ruin their date and I don't wanna hurt myself by seeing them being too sweet together. But she always insist me. Who am I to say no to Jennie Kim?
She's too oblivious to know that it hurts so much by seeing them together.
Of course, we're both girls. We're bestfriends. Just bestfriends.
A few years passed, they're still together. And I still love her.
I never dated anyone the past years. I don't even know why. But I guess I just feel bad, being with someone but thinking of someone else.
I hate him for no reason. He's not even a bad guy. In fact, he's perfect.
Yes. The most painful word I've ever heard.
Now, I'm just here.
Standing in the side, watching Jennie in a beautiful white wedding gown walking.
She looked at me and smiled broadly.
I returned a smile.
A sad smile.
She didn't notice it because she faced him at once.
I really wanna get out of here.
While watching them exchanging vows, I was crying.
I hope it was tears of joy. But no, it wasn't.
'You may kiss the bride'
He lifted her veil and wiped Jennie's tears.
She looks so happy, I thought.
I just smiled bitterly as I watched him cupped her face and kissed her passionately.
My heart shattered to pieces that I think no one can ever put them back together.
It's over. It's a new chapter.
There will be no more Jennie who'll be jumping on my bed when I can't get up.
No more Jennie who'll cook me my favorite dishes.
No more Jennie who'll hug me when we sleep.
And no more Jennie who'll stay at my house everyday.
