Bliss

2

            I usually don't even want to wake up in the morning. For normal girls it's pretty easy. For me it'd be easier to just stay in bed and never get back up. The only reason I even get out of bed is because I have to keep my grades up. It's almost funny. I chuckle out loud as I slowly sit up and slide my legs over the side of my bed. As I tell my self that I have to get up my mom knocks on the door. " Viviana Rose get up this instant! You'll be late to school if you don't get your butt moving, I already have one kid to get ready, please don't make it two." My mother tells me. Of course the other kid she's referring to is my 8 year old sister Karly. She's the type of girl that would lock a claustrophobic in a closet for fun. The type of girl who would tell you to kill yourself because you're worthless anyway. The type of girl that would convince you that you're her friend only so that she can blackmail you using your secrets. She's the mean girl in her school. I only know that because I've heard her friends talking behind her back at sleepovers, about how they were scared that she would tell all the people at school about their crushes and other secrets that little 8 year olds keep.
                When I finally convince myself to get out of bed I pull on a flower printed crop top and a pair of ripped light wash jeans. I top the outfit off with a pair of mismatch socks and black converse. I part my long black hair to the side. I barely curl it because at this point a task as simple as doing my hair is enormous and exhausting. I look to the mirror at my blank blue eyes. I consider putting makeup over the freckles that scatter across my nose and cheeks but I decide there's no point in putting makeup on at all. I grab my book bag, make sure that everything I need is in there and head down the stairs. I mumble some sort of goodbye and walk outside the door and toward the bus stop. As I walk onto the bus I see my best friends Charlotte and Alice. They don't know what I'm thinking about. They always asked if I had a crush like most of the girls our age so I chose a boy named Cameron. He seemed nice enough, I mean he always waved at me in the halls when we walked by each other and he's been sitting by me in math since sixth grade. He was the type of boy you see in the movies, physically fit, blonde hair, deep blue eyes, and he even plays football. Truthfully I probably would like him if I weren't....the way that I am. I've never really liked anyone I've never seen the point. I've always thought that I'm not worth somebody loving me. The way that I see it people only love to show that they can. Plus people never end up with their crushes anyway.
                I wish I didn't have to lie to my friends  I wish I didn't have to act like I'm okay. "Hey guys!" I say, trying to put enthusiasm into my voice. I even add a smile at the end. I don't want them to know how I feel. I might lose them and I can't afford losing my friends. "Hey Vivi!" They both exclaim excitedly. "So.... how is it going with Cam...?" Charlotte asks. I don't let it show but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say, am I supposed to get all excited because he said two words in the halls to me or maybe he touched my shoulder to ask me for a pencil? I feel guilty for lying to my friends and now I have to tell another lie. "So actually he asked me for a pencil in math class! He even touched my shoulder to get my attention!" I started out talking a bit too loud but then I got embarrassed and lowered my voice to a whisper. "Oh my gosh,Viv! I ship you guys so hard!!" Charlotte whisper shouts. We huddle together as Charlotte continues talking about her crush and then Alice starts talking about hers. But I'm distracted by a boy I caught staring at me, his green eyes on mine. I feel a blush rising to my cheeks which is an unfamiliar feeling for me. I look away and turn my attention towards my friends as they continue their blissful conversation about their crushes. I have to stifle a bitter chuckle as I realize how oblivious they are to how alone I feel.