Bliss

4

          I listen to everyone's conversations. I'm amazed by how fake everyone truly is. Charlotte and Alice are being incredibly kind to Becca, a member of the cheer team. They believe she is truly cliche. I mean she's a cheerleader dating a football player. I seriously don't think anything is wrong with that but clearly if my opinion doesn't matter to me then why would it matter to other people. Yet even as Charlotte and Alice are acting like Becca is everything and a can of Diet Coke, as soon as we get on the bus on the way home they're going to start gossiping about how much of a slut she is. I almost feel bad for Becca. But it doesn't matter anyway.
I look down at my tray. Even though I haven't eaten since the day before yesterday, I still feel like I have to puke at the sight of food. I do this a lot. I'll eat all week and then the next I starve myself. I think maybe my brain just wants to test just how much trauma my body can take. My friends always comment on how skinny I am, about how they're so jealous. I want to scream at them. But only for a split second. I think I'm pretty good at feeling nothing. So good that as soon as I start to feel angry or sad or even happy my brain makes it disappear. I just let the silence roll in. I let myself retreat into the silence. It's almost like a blanket. I know I'm not normal. I have told my mom and dad how I feel but when they send me to a therapist all they do is prescribe me some stupid pills called mood stabilizers. They just make me feel like I'm in a bubble. Those pills make me feel like my emotions are floating just out of my reach. I tell my mom that I take them but I actually just take one out of the medicine container and flush down the toilet every morning.
            I snap out of my thoughts as I feel a hand of my shoulder, I look up. I see the same pair of green eyes as the ones I saw on the bus this morning. " Is this seat taken?" The green eyed boy asked.
"Is anyone sitting there?" I ask him fake smiling.
"Well, no I guess not," he says chuckling as he puts a hand through his brown hair.
I guess his eyes aren't completely green, they're more of a light hazel. He sits next to me. The same blush from this morning rose to my cheeks as I let my black hair fall in front of my face.