In my feelings

13. GUILTY CONSCIENCE, SORT OF?

"YOU DID WHAT?" As Kenny's voice burst down my ear, my eyes came to a sudden shut as I sighed, biting my tongue to stop myself from smiling as the librarian told her to shush one more time.

"It's not that big of a deal, Ken."

It was midday now on Tuesday. Me and Kenny had been in the study room for a while now preparing research for our own individual essays. She noticed something was up with me as I couldn't get my head around anything today, mostly due to the fact that I was still thinking about what had happened this last weekend. I hadn't told her yet, though it felt unfair considering the more and more she questioned my sudden mood change from normal, the more she worried. I had just finished explaining the basics and Kenny was far from impressed. Her take on it wasn't exactly what I was expecting.

"Not a big deal??" Her eyes widened as she held the bridge of her nose with one hand and looked up at the ceiling as she folded her other arm. "I don't know. Come on Sky, that's his best friend."

"I know, but it's not about that! It was just an invite, it's not like I invited him? Plus, I'm allowed to hang out with other people. It's not like Kye has an issue with it." I rolled my eyes as I buried my face into my folded arms infront of me.

"Alright, and if it wasn't for Kye, you wouldn't have met Carson."

"I don't understand where this is going! Come on, it's stupid. Yes, maybe I shouldn't of gone on that date with Carson, but I wasn't trying to cause anything. He invited me out of pit-"

Kenny slapped me gently on the forehead with her paper as she leaned back and waved her hands. "Did you just hear yourself? You said date! I thought he was just a friend, a friend of a friends!"

I scratched the back of my neck as I huffed at what she was saying. "Alright!! Maybe I did go with the intention that it was a date- Carson's a nice guy! It happens so many times in the movies! You meet a guy, you fall for him, it doesn't work out because you find out he's seeing someone else and then you bump into one of the friends he introduced you from before and tada?"

"Except, you didn't bump into Carson and, you don't even know if Kye is seeing anyone else!"

I rolled my eyes at Kenny for the a hundredth time today.

"He only texted you because you were meant to text Kye. If Kye hadn't used Carson's phone, you two would've never gone out."

"So, technically, it's his fault?" I looked up at Kenny after looking around and playing dumb.

"SKYLAR!"

—

New York City is one of those places you either love or hate. It's either the bright lights and the intense, lively atmosphere that you love or the busy sidewalks and constant sounds of traffic that you hate. I've learnt to love New York.

I did once hate the sound of cars beeping every two minutes, I felt aggravated walking along with huge crowds surrounding me. Now even the worst part of it is part of me.

I fit into a place more than I could ever imagine. My mind was always so full of questions and too many different answers, and I guess that is what this city is. A question in itself with no right answer.

After that conversation with Kenny I couldn't help but feel guilty. I wanted to call Kye since I hadn't spoken to him for a week since the incident and I felt that I owed him a real apology, considering he never even got my last one. Carson did.

Instead of heading to my flat, I decided to quickly make a turn and head over to Kye's. After all this time, I was sure that a face to face conversation was better than a text, especially since I'd say it to the right person this time.